


After Rio

by Morgane (smilla840)



Series: After Rio [2]
Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: Angst, Episode tags for season 5, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2013-01-31
Packaged: 2017-11-27 13:41:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 35,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilla840/pseuds/Morgane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eric and Horatio are back. Not all is well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written while season 5 aired with a chapter per episode. It relies heavily on what happened in each episode so I'm not sure how much sense it makes when the episodes aren't fresh in your mind - some, I hope! :)
> 
> Originally posted at my livejournal, and beta'ed by sunhawk.

The next few weeks are hell. Eric doesn’t call and Ryan’s mind is only too willing to come up with all sorts of scenarios that get progressively worse as time passes. Fortunately, Calleigh is here to give him the fragments of information she gleans when Horatio calls. But what she passes on is mostly case-related, and not what Ryan is after at all. She has no reason to suspect otherwise and he doesn’t blame her, but sometimes he grows so frustrated he wants to get onto the first plane for Rio. Because he has heard nothing about how Eric is doing or what his state of mind is like, and even though their relationship is most likely over, he wants to know.

So he is left with his imagination and his doubts. On one hand there is Eric, the man he fell in love with way too fast and despite his better judgement. But then, there is _Eric_ , walking out on him to go and kill a man. Will he? What was their relationship to him? Just sex? Was that why it was easy for him to leave? And what about Ryan himself? Does he want him back now?

God, he is so tired. Oh, he covers it well and his job doesn’t suffer from it. But he can’t find sleep at night, turning and turning in his (empty) bed. And he has to deal with so many other issues at work he has no time to rest anyway. Horatio and Eric sure picked a great time to take their ‘vacation’. It left the day shift with only him and Calleigh. Probably what prompted the higher-ups to take Boa Vista as a CSI. Just… perfect.

So between cases and worrying and being angry – because hell yeah, he is still angry! At Eric and at H and a little at himself too, because he should have just tied Eric up or, less drastically, confiscated his passport to stop him from going. It is a small mercy to know that Riaz is still in jail.

But then he isn’t anymore. And Ryan knows, he just _knows_ that things are about to get very out of hand. Oh, he had known the day would come – after all, he holds little belief in the Brazilian justice system when it comes to men like Riaz – but it still makes his heart jump and his stomach tighten.

Whatever is about to happen is going to happen soon.

So he waits – what else can he do anyway, Eric is thousands of miles away – and tries to pretend nothing of what’s happening down there concerns him too closely.

He can’t be sure he’s completely succeeded.

He hates feeling useless and he hates the fact that he wasn’t good enough to _stop_ this, and he finds himself hating Eric too sometimes. And H, and the lab, and the job. He hates that he still cares, and can’t seem to stop. Because when Eric walked out on him, he basically put an end to their relationship. Or did he? Ryan isn’t sure and the incertitude is driving him crazy.

To make things worse, he gets assigned to work with Boa Vista. At first he thinks Calleigh is kidding – because there is no way he is going to work with that woman – but it seems she isn’t and he is left with little choice in the matter. 

To say the least, it doesn’t improve his mood much. He ends up having to deal with her and her screw-ups, and when she tries to make excuses for herself his temper snaps. He doesn’t even regret it.

\---

When he – finally – sees Eric at the lab, appearing behind him with that stupid shirt on and bloodshot eyes, it’s a bit of a shock. Oh, it’s not a total surprise – he _had_ known they were on their way back – but it still feels a little surreal. And all the questions going through his mind can’t even be asked. He is definitely _not_ going to start yelling at him or demand to know what happened with Riaz. Nope. None of his business after all. Eric’s made it that way. 

So he acts professional instead. He is a little jittery though and ends up describing the rather painful way the boys will end up dying if one of the pallets bursts. Totally unhelpful, he knows that, but at least it gives him something to talk about. Eric studiously avoids looking him in the eyes so he guesses they’re on the same page.

\---

The second time, he is more prepared. The banter flows more easily between them, like old times. Eric almost grins at him, and Ryan starts hoping that maybe, maybe things can work out between them. And then gets mad at himself for thinking like that because Eric demonstrated a month ago why they can’t.

As much as he wants to ignore it, ignore _him_ , he still thinks he should talk to him, to know what it is he wants – if he even wants anything –, but it’s neither the time nor the place. They still have a case – well, Ryan not so much – and H’s nephew to find.

Any thought of their ‘relationship’ will have to wait.

\---

The end of the day brings another dead drug dealer. Ryan wonders if it’s over now, if Eric and Horatio are satisfied or if their thirst for vengeance has not yet been sated.

He wonders if he should care. He wishes he could stop thinking about it.

He ends up walking into Eric in the locker room. They’re alone and their eyes lock just like that first time, and it’s bad bad bad, because Ryan had told himself he wouldn’t do this. 

It seems he had overlooked the pull between them when he had come up with that resolution though because within seconds he finds himself flat against the door, Eric’s mouth ravaging his own. Then there are hands and skin and heat, and it’s over way too fast, Eric clinging to him and moaning his name like it’s the only thing keeping him from falling apart.

Ryan is still trying to catch his breath when Eric pulls away and leaves the room. 

Leaves him behind again.

Ryan punches the wall and wishes it was Eric’s face instead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set between 5x01 and 5x02, and during 5x02.

After their ‘encounter’ in the locker room, Eric avoids him. Ryan doesn’t care at first; it makes things easier for him. The few times he does see him, Eric looks okay but Ryan is pretty sure he isn’t. Just like he figures it must be part of why Eric is now doing his best to never cross paths with him.

Ryan _knows_ him, after all. Or knew him.

Things get confirmed by Horatio, of all people. Ryan has kept his interactions with his boss at a minimum since he’s been back – part of him is determined to blame H for the whole mess. After all, if he hadn't decided to follow Riaz, Eric wouldn’t have either. Or maybe he would have, and got himself killed. Ryan doesn’t know anymore. 

Still, in the past week he’s caught Horatio looking at him at the oddest times and decides it’s just a delayed reaction to the revelation that he and Eric had ‘something’ – whatever that was, and no, he really isn’t bitter about it.

One day, Ryan finds Horatio waiting for him. He sighs. He really isn’t feeling up to this.

“Mr. Wolfe.” H’s sunglasses are twirling around his fingers and he is not looking at Ryan, but over his shoulder.

“H.” he answers coldly. He has nothing to say to him.

“We have to talk.”

As much as he wants to say that no, they really don’t, Horatio is still his boss and so that’s how he finds himself in his office, determined not to give in an inch. H seems to be studying him carefully and Ryan is reminded once again that he _knows_. Is that what this is about?

“We need to talk about Brazil.”

“What about it?” Ryan says, arms crossed and stubborn.

“Eric could use your… support right now.” Ryan barely suppresses a snort at that. “I think you should know… Riaz is dead. I killed him. Eric went after him, and…”

“What did you think would happen?” Ryan finally explodes, because he is sick and tired of all this. So H is worried about Eric, is that it? Well, how nice of him. Maybe he should have thought about it before. ‘What about me?’ He wants to scream. And maybe yelling at his boss isn’t the smartest thing to do, especially in a glass office, but it sure is making him feel better.

“You had to know this would happen! There was no way Riaz was going to stay in jail. What did you think you would do next? And if not you, what about Eric? You know he’s got a temper!”

“Ryan…”

“Don’t. Don’t tell me to calm down, H. You went there, looking to take justice into your own hands. You’re damn lucky things turned out the way they did and that neither of you ended up in jail or killed. And then what, uh? Oh yeah, great plan you had there H. Marisol would be so proud.”

Horatio’s eyes narrow and Ryan takes a deep breath. He has to calm down.

“Well, guess what,” he continues more quietly, his anger and sadness and weariness still coming through all too clearly, “Eric is no longer my problem and has made it very clear he doesn’t _want_ my ‘support’. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Not waiting for an answer, he turns around and leaves the room. It’s an effort not to slam the door behind him.

\---

Things don’t get much better after that. He still has Calleigh and Alexx though, and that’s something. Then he hears Calleigh has been run into the canal and almost _drowned_. He is almost frantic with worry and wants nothing more than to go over there and make sure she’s okay, but he still has his own case to deal with – triple on the causeway, not pretty. It turns out to be pretty straight-forward though, a simple if tragic accident, so he wraps it up quickly and gets drafted to help out in Calleigh’s case.

He looks through the evidence from the old crime scene but there is nothing there. It’s a relief when Horatio hands him the flash drive, because at least he has something to do. It’s how things are, these days. Before, he could relax and just be around Eric, but now he has to keep busy, keep his mind occupied. It’s exhausting.

When the flash drive has been dealt with, he heads over to the garage to help Eric out with the car but he hears Boa Vista’s voice and stops dead. He probably shouldn’t be listening but are they _flirting_? They are! A flash of red hot anger intertwined with jealousy and betrayal shoots through him and he almost storms out. Then he reminds himself that He. Does. Not. Care. and leaves at a more sedate pace.

So what if Eric wants to get back with Natalia? It’s his business. Still, he would have appreciated some loyalty, if not to him then at least to the lab. Has everyone forgotten what she did?

Later, he hears Cooper gushing about collecting evidence with Delko and Ryan clenches his jaw. Hard. It’s getting too much. Eric needs Cooper to collect oil samples? It isn’t even in the man’s job description! He is an AV tech, for Christ sake! If Eric needed help, he should have asked him. But it seems he can’t even bring himself to be professional.

How wonderful.

That’s when Ryan decides to take matter into his own hands. So what if they used to have sex a few times a week before? That’s the way Ryan resolutely refers to it now, when he thinks about it at all – which is more often than he would care to admit. No feelings involved, just sex. He certainly is not going to let it affect his work, and he won’t let Eric do it for him either.

So he joins Eric in the lab and makes them work together. It’s not perfect – there is no banter or friendly smile, only cold facts delivered in a rather dismissive tone – but at least he hopes he has convinced Eric they can still work together.

It’s all Ryan has left, and he wants to hold on to it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set between 5x02 and 5x03, and during 5x03.

Life goes on. As usual, he pretends nothing is wrong. He is getting quite good at it. Still, there is this… emptiness at times, mostly when he is at home and alone. He tries to shake it off, because he isn’t some girl, pining after the guy who just dumped her. No, he is Ryan Wolfe, CSI, and everything is just fine.

Then one night, he is having a drink with a few guys he knew from patrol and one of them brings up off-shore betting and the Death Pool. They have a good laugh about it but end up giving the guy money anyway. While it’s not strictly illegal, it’s not the brightest idea Ryan's ever had, but it’s exhilarating and the rush makes him feel more alive than he has for weeks. Especially when he wins $2,000 and is left staring at the money like he isn’t sure where it came from.

Of course, he knows he can’t do it again. This can’t become his coping mechanism for this thing with Eric, otherwise it will become the way he deals with everything. Ryan knows himself, and his OCD mixed with gambling is a sure road to disaster.

So he doesn’t do it again and is pleased to realize he has _some_ self-control left. He keeps the money though – no point in getting rid of it – but doesn’t put it in the bank – a deposit of $2,000 in a cop’s bank account is just asking for trouble.

Things with Eric get better as well. He doesn’t know what’s going on with him and Natalia (or even if something _is_ going on at all) but at least if it is, they’re discreet about it and Ryan doesn’t stumble onto them like he used to the first time around. If he still cares too much about what they might – possibly – be doing, he tells himself he is just concerned. With Natalia’s history, who wouldn’t be?

Thankfully, there is his niece’s birthday coming up soon afterwards and that’s a relief.

So he heads over to his sister’s house for the week-end – they live one hour away from Miami, not far really, but with his job Ryan doesn’t see them as often as he’d like. As soon as he gets out of the car, he gets pounced upon by the birthday girl.

“Uncle Ryan! You came,” she squeals in delight before remembering that she is turning 13 and should act more dignified. Then she discards the notion. “Where is my present?” 

Ryan laughs for the first time in what feels like forever and swings her around before putting her back on the ground.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he says mysteriously. “Where are your mom and Maggie?”

Melissa pouts a little before dragging him towards the house.

“Mom!” She yells when they step inside, “Uncle Ryan is here!”

It doesn’t take long before another set of footsteps can be heard pounding down the stairs and Ryan barely has time to react and _catch_. The air goes out of him in a rush and he finds himself with his arms full of 5 year-old.

“You’re here you’re here you’re here!” Maggie says, bouncing a little – which makes it kind of hard for Ryan to keep his grip on her. Still, he manages and rights them both, only to look up and see his sister coming down the stairs at a more sedate speed.

“Hi,” he grins and gets a kiss on the cheek for his trouble along with a not-so-subtle check-up. He rolls his eyes. Jenny is almost 10 years older than him, and always mothering him. He figures that comes with the territory.

“The girls were looking forward to seeing you,” she says as he puts Maggie down. She immediately takes off again, babbling about showing Ryan something and how she’ll be right back. Her mother gives Melissa a pointed look and she reluctantly follows. Once the girls are safely out of earshot, Jenny turns towards her brother.

“How are you?”

Ryan shrugs. He had mentioned Eric a couple of times to his sister ‘before’ and since then nothing. It’s no wonder she guessed on her own things aren’t so great right now.

“I’m fine,” he answers, although clearly he isn’t fooling her.

She shakes her head and sighs. “Of course you are.”

Then Maggie comes back with a pile of things she absolutely has to share with her uncle and the conversation comes to a standstill. Instead, Ryan stares at whatever Maggie puts under his nose – from the drawings she made at school to her latest toys to her pet rabbit – and looks suitably impressed by everything. For some reason Ryan has never really figured out, his nieces adore him and he doesn’t want to let them down.

 

It’s only later, after diner when Jenny’s husband is putting Maggie to bed and Melissa is locked in her bedroom armed with the phone – teenagers! – that Jenny tries again. She is stubborn, he’ll give her that.

They’re in the guest room and she’s come by to check if he has everything he needs – she already knows he does, but she never was that subtle when it came to her baby brother.

“So, how are you really doing?”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he turns to face away from her but she will have none of that. She makes him sit forcefully on the bed and sits next to him.

“I’m okay, really.” He tries again and the ‘yeah right’ look he gets tells him he isn’t fooling anyone. “I’ll be fine, alright? Things just… aren’t too good right now, but they’re getting better. It’s just… complicated.”

Jenny still looks dubious but she nods – maybe because for once he is telling the truth. And he finds himself telling her all about Eric and Marisol and Brazil and Natalia and work, and he goes on and on until he has nothing more to say. It’s the first time he has been able to _talk_ about it, mainly because he has no one to tell it to back home. Because telling someone means explaining him and Eric, and really what’s the point now? So he kept it inside, but no more now, and it makes him feel better. 

When he finally stops talking, Jenny just looks at him – she is sorry and angry, he can tell, and he wonders what he is going to do if she decides she wants to head to Miami and give Eric a piece of her mind. It’s strange, he finds, they never were really close when they were kids – the age difference between them being the most likely reason. But since she got married and started her own family, she is making up for lost time. No matter how embarrassing it may be at times.

“Forget him,” she finally says. “He isn’t worth it.”

Ryan gives a weak laugh. “Yeah, well that’s the problem.”

They have come to a dead end and they both can see that. So she makes him hot chocolate – and really, it’s a nice gesture and all but what does she think he is, twelve? – and sends him off to bed. Yep, twelve.

 

The weekend flies by afterwards. Melissa is thrilled by her present and he does his best to distract Maggie who sulks because it isn’t _her_ birthday. He promises to come back then – she’ll be 6 in two months, and it’s really no hardship – and she seems contented by that.

Soon he has to go back and as he gets hugs from every woman in the family, he realizes he hasn’t felt this good in a long time.

\---

Work is the same as always the next few weeks. Cases piling up, sometimes he works with Eric and it goes fine. Ryan is determined nothing is going to mess up with his new-found peace. So what if he yells at Natalia sometimes? That has nothing to do with it. 

Of course, as usual, he never gets a break and the next thing he knows Calleigh is accusing him of having a gambling problem. He can tell she doesn’t really believe him when he tells her it was a one-time thing and he isn’t sure whether to be shocked or resigned. In a way though, he is glad it had repercussions – now there is no way he will ever contemplate gambling again.

Still, he is a little surprised when Eric comes by his lab a few hours later and tells him they’re going for a ride. It’s the first time in a long time that Eric has actually sought out his presence and he would be lying if he didn’t say he is a little pleased. They head for the docks where they find their guy and arrest him. It goes smoothly and once they find themselves alone, Ryan can’t quite keep the smile off his face when he turns to face Eric. The satisfaction of a job well done, if you will. Except Eric is looking at him a little strangely and Ryan can feel the smile slipping.

“What?” he asks defensively.

“Nothing,” Eric answers quickly. Ryan raises an eyebrow at him but Eric ignores him and goes back to the car.

What the hell was that all about?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x04.

A little while later, when their suspects are booked, Eric approaches him hesitantly and asks if they can talk. Ryan wants to say no, really he does, so of course he agrees, and that’s how he finds himself sitting opposite Eric in front of a cup of coffee. It had been Ryan’s idea to meet in public – an assurance of some sort that neither of them is going to make a scene – but he is starting to rethink that.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” He tries to sound as carefree and unconcerned as possible and only manages to come out as defensive. Damn it.

Thankfully, Eric doesn’t seem much more at ease with the situation.

“Look, I know things haven’t been good for a while now…” 

Ryan snorts and raises an eyebrow, a silent ‘you think?’ echoing between them. Eric has the good grace of looking embarrassed – and is that shame? – as he plunges on.

“… And I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Ryan blinks and becomes very still. An apology – while he had often wished for one – isn’t something he had ever thought he would get. An acknowledgement of what Eric had done to him, had done to _them_. He doesn’t know how to deal with it.

Luckily, Eric seems determined to keep talking now that he’s gone this far.

“I went a little crazy after Marisol … died, and you were only trying to help. I blew you off and I know I ruined everything. And I did it again when I came back.”

Ryan has to look away, images flashing in his head, and his faces burns. He can still see it, all too vivid even now – fucking in the locker room and Eric leaving afterwards, without saying a word.

“I know you don’t get why I had to go, and I know that you were right, it’s not something Marisol would have wanted either, but it was something I had to do. I know saying it now doesn’t make everything better and all, but I still have to say it. You mattered to me-” there his voice wavers a little and Ryan stubbornly stares at the wall, “- and I shouldn’t have left like that. But I want you to know-” 

Eric’s voice breaks completely and Ryan, who had been avoiding doing so since their conversation began, finally looks at him. The intensity of Eric’s eyes pins him in place.

“I would have done the same thing for you.”

Ryan gives a sharp nod, fighting back tears. He knows that. He has always known that. Except it had never been a problem before, because it had remained theoretical, safe. Marisol’s death had changed all that, brought it to the forefront.

“I wouldn’t want you to.” He says quietly. That’s the heart of the problem, he thinks. Eric is willing to kill to avenge the people he cares about and Ryan isn’t willing to watch him destroy himself doing it. But the thing is, it’s also part of why Ryan loves him. He can’t help himself. This is so screwed up.

The saddest thing is, Eric’s admission is the closest thing to a love declaration Ryan is ever going to get from him now.

“So what do we do now?” He asks, and it’s a little bit of a relief that Eric looks as lost as he is feeling right now. Because Eric is right. His apology doesn’t make everything better. They’re certainly not going back to being lovers. But it still makes _something_ better, Ryan just can’t figure out what.

“Friends?” Eric asks, a hopeful look on his face. He extends his hand across the table and Ryan takes it.

“Friends.”

Their coffee is left cold and untouched on the table.

\---

They’re supposed to be meeting H and the others on the beach now, but Ryan tells Eric he’ll see him then. There is something he has to do first.

So there he is, burning the evidence of his gambling. If he was feeling moody, he would probably think it’s symbolic and draw a nice parallel with his relationship with Eric, but he isn’t up for that much analysis. He is just burning false currency.

That’s all there is to it.

And if it feels as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, it’s just because he doesn’t have counterfeit money in his pocket anymore.

\---

The next few weeks are much easier for Ryan. He hadn’t realized how much he needed to hear Eric say ‘I’m sorry’ before he actually did. He hadn’t realized how much he had _missed_ Eric either. Oh sure, things had improved between them, but they were merely civil to each other. There was none of the old camaraderie. Now it’s back, and Ryan can breathe again. Working has become ‘fun’ again.

Life after work has too. They’re friends. That includes banter and a beer after work when they’re both free – Ryan always is. It’s a bit awkward at first and neither of them feels very comfortable. But they slowly relax – a couple of beers will do wonders – and the weirdness factor goes away.

It’s still a little strange – after all, Ryan isn’t used to being friends with Eric. ‘Before’, they went from hating each other’s guts to sleeping together, and along the way Ryan fell in love. Back then, their ‘friendship’ period had been awfully short and maybe, Ryan reflects, that’s why everything fell out so spectacularly.

Their friendship has another advantage. It allows Ryan to break through his denial. Yes he is still in love with Eric. There is nothing he can do about it but wait it out.

That much he can do.

He is good at waiting.

At least he has stopped lying to himself and he is feeling like himself again. His sister would be proud.

So when the gossip about Natalia’s ex-husband showing up and Eric spending a lot of time with her finally reaches him, he ignores it – tries – and goes on with his job.

He doesn’t have to like it, but there is no point in getting all worked up.

He’ll wait.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x05.

Then comes ‘the case’. Ryan should have known it would come – after all, for some reason, he never seems to catch a break. Therefore he shouldn’t be surprised when, the minute his life takes back a semblance of normality, something like this happens.

It begins, like it often does, with a body. A bloater this time, and Ryan really doesn’t like those. It’s only his third, and he wonders if he is ever going to grow accustomed to it.

“Wait a second, you are _not_ gonna pop that body in here are you?” he asks Alexx, bewildered and – she isn’t really going to do it _here_ , is she? – whining a little.

“If I don’t, Mr Man is gonna blow in my nice clean van,” she says matter-of-factly, a wry smile on her face. She is enjoying this more than she should. “You wanna clean that up?”

“Oh please no,” he mutters quickly and looks away, grimacing at the squishy sound it makes. Disgusting. Not to mention the smell. Sometimes he wonders why he likes his job so much.

After Alexx is gone and he is sure he isn’t going to throw up, he starts examining the body more closely, snapping pictures and looking around. It’s not pretty and he is thankful for the distraction when Eric joins him. 

“What did you find?” Eric asks, standing next to the body. He is welcome to it as far as Ryan is concerned.

“Multiple stab wounds, no murder weapon. Blood pattern indicates that he was murdered where he fell.” Ryan goes on, answering Eric’s questions when he can. It feels a little like an interrogation, but he doesn’t mind. There are still plenty of things he doesn’t know and even if he doesn’t like asking for help, he is glad to get it when it’s offered.

Especially in this particular case, where it leads to the briefcase and away from the crime scene. Which means away from the smell.

So he finds himself back at the lab with Eric, their piece of evidence between them.

“You know, it’s uh… it’s hard to know what we’re looking for when we don’t know what’s missing in the first place,” he wonders at loud.

“Well, PDA charger, no PDA. I guess he had one of those.” Eric answers wryly and Ryan would have made a snarky reply except he finds the dead guy’s ID. Then the case gets very interested. However, at first, it only raises more questions than it answers and they soon grow frustrated.

“Why don’t you check with Alexx about the autopsy report?” Eric finally suggests with a smirk that says he knows exactly how much Ryan is _not_ looking forward to that.

Ryan glares at him half-heartedly. “Fine, I’m going.” Eric’s smile grows wider. “Oh shut up,” Ryan mutters before leaving the room.

Eric’s quiet laughter follows him in the hallway.

\---

Alexx ends up giving them their first clue and Ryan heads back to the crime scene. That’s where he meets him.

“Stop! Put it back in the house!”

Ryan frowns and tries to figure what’s going on. There is a kid, yelling at two policemen who seem to be putting stuff in the front lawn of a house while an older man looks on from his balcony.

“I’ll take care of this.” He tells the kid’s mother and joins the group in the middle of an argument. 

“Hey. Wolfe, PD. What’s…” he looks around briefly, assessing the situation. “What’s going on here?”

“Talk to them! They’re making their way down the block, throwing everybody’s stuff out on the front lawn!” The kid is angry and upset, understandably so if what he is saying is true. So Ryan turns towards the patrol officer, waiting for his explanation.

“We’re trying to evict the owner but he refuses to vacate the premises.” The man – Biggs, he reads – says defensively.

“Oh yeah? Why are you trying to evict him?”

“Eminent Domain.”

“Eminent Domain?” Ryan’s eyebrows shot up. It can’t be a coincidence. A Councilman getting killed and now this? “Those are fancy words for when the government takes your stuff whenever they want, aren’t they?”

He is being sarcastic and of course, it doesn’t fly well with Biggs.

“Look man, I’m just following orders.”

“Is there anyway you could follow them a little more… respectfully?” Because really. The man is already getting kicked out of his home, there is no need to make a spectacle out of it, lining his possession on the street.

That’s just not right.

But Biggs is only doing his job and there is nothing Ryan can do about it.

“They’re forcing us to sell our homes. The whole neighbourhood!”

Still, it doesn’t mean he isn’t going to try.

“Hey. Let me look into it and see if I can do something.”

He is probably going to regret this.

\---

A few hours later he gets a phone call at the lab. It’s Austin and he isn’t making much sense, something about eviction and Ryan tells him he’ll be right there.

He shows up just in time to see Biggs and his partner getting out of their car in front of the Wells’ home with the kid standing between them and the house.

“I got your call. What’s going on, Austin?”

“My parents aren’t even home and they’re trying to evict us!”

Ryan’s eyes narrow. No they won’t. So he tries bargaining, downright begging but nothing works. He can feel the anger growing inside him. He knows, because when he gets angry he gets quiet and cold inside. The next step is fury, when he just explodes. He isn’t there yet but it’s coming.

Finally he appeals to the guy’s sense of decency…

“Listen to me. I’m asking you as a favour. Please give this family a break.”

“I’m at the tail-end of a double shift. I’m all out of breaks. That’s it, we’re taking it.”

… and it doesn’t work either.

Biggs takes a step forward the house and Ryan pushes him back. He smiles, like he knows it’s one of the stupidest things he’s ever done but he can’t stand the look on Austin’s face. He has to do _something_! Biggs sighs, sets his jaw and advances again. This time, Ryan shoves him against his car. He isn’t joking anymore. 

“What the hell are you doing? Get off of him!” Biggs’ partner pulls him back and Ryan jerks out of his grasp. He wants to yell at them both, because How. The. Fuck. Can. They. Do. That? How can they even stand it? Aren’t cops supposed to protect the helpless? Ryan’s mind can’t reconcile the two. And he is dimly aware on the edge of his mind that it’s not Biggs’s fault even though he is an asshole, but he can’t stop himself.

“Breathed too many fumes in the lab, Wolfe? You just earned yourself a complaint.” Biggs looks so smug, so pleased with himself that Ryan wants to punch him.

Still they leave and Austin smiles, relieved. He got them a respite of some sort. That’s worth something. Isn’t it?

\---

It isn’t enough though. He has to do something to help Austin’s family and he has only one option left. 

Erica.

Ryan still isn’t sure how he feels about her. He had almost considered her a friend back when they'd first met. He had been relatively new to the lab and no one liked him much. They had had diner a couple of times and it had been fun. But that had been before she screwed him over.

But then they had been forced to work together to flush out the mole and that had improved their relationship. Now they’re back to where they started: friends of sorts. She flirts and teases, and he enjoys it and flirts back. He likes her, really he does. Especially since he knows she isn’t really interested in him, and that she knows he knows. If that makes any sense.

They work well together and as long as she doesn’t try to go behind his back – which he still doesn’t trust her not to – it’s the only way to get the information he needs. Anyway, with everything that’s going on, it’s easy and almost comforting to fall back on the old routine of pushing and giving.

In the end, he gets what he wants and so does she.

Everybody wins.

\---

The page from Eric catches him pacing back and forth waiting for Erica to get back at him or for H to call him to his office and demand an explanation.

“Hey. You paged me? I’m sort of running with something. What’s up?” he asks when he finds Eric.

“Yeah, slow down for a second.” He goes on about the evidence he pulled from old vandalism cases on Cobalt Drive and Ryan listens carefully, frowning when he sees where Eric is going with this.

“You got any prints?” Finally, they may be going somewhere.

“No ridge details, just smudges.” Eric tears his attention from the keys to look at Ryan. It makes him feel a little uneasy and very exposed, when Eric stares at him like that. “That’s alright. Smudges might not tell us who the person is but maybe they’ll tell us what they do.”

Ryan nods and watches as Eric runs the test. It’s a little fascinating and almost… soothing in the familiarity of it. At least he doesn’t feel like he is going to explode anytime soon anymore.

“Can’t say I've ever… swabbed a fingerprint before.” He says as they wait.

Eric leans back against the counter and explains about skin secretion and stuff. Ryan is only half paying attention – Eric is still _staring_ , well maybe not staring but _looking_ and that’s making him fidgety.

It’s almost a relief when the computer comes up with something. That the ‘something’ turns out to be a real lead is more than Ryan had hoped for and he grins at Eric.

“Thanks man. I owe you one.”

Eric grins back and Ryan ignores the way his heart flip-flops in his chest. It really sucks to be in love with your co-worker.

\---

Everything starts moves faster after that. First there is Preston almost getting shot in front of the lab – not that Ryan cares much – and Erica calling him with the time of the appeal. He is on his way out when he sees Biggs entering Horatio’s office and he has to pause and contemplate his options. He knows H will want to talk to him afterwards, so he can either pretend he didn’t see anything and go, or wait to talk to H first. 

The first option is looking very appealing right now, but Ryan is not a coward and he brought this upon himself. He doesn’t regret it – it wasn’t _right_ – but he is responsible enough to know that what he did was wrong too.

It just happens sometimes. He gets angry, then he gets furious, and he blows up. He doesn’t know _why_ it happens – well, maybe he does, but he doesn’t want to examine the possible reasons too closely – and he certainly doesn’t like it, but it’s just there, right under the surface.

So he sits in an empty office and waits for Horatio to come looking for him. Which, inevitably, he does.

“H, can I just say something first?” He asks, bracing himself for whatever is coming.

“Please.” Horatio’s voice is quiet, no emotion whatsoever, and Ryan would feel a lot less uneasy if H was yelling. Maybe that’s why he is always so unsure of his position in the lab, in H’s team. He can’t read the man, and between that and ‘Mr Wolfe’ sometimes he thinks H doesn’t like him much. Which shouldn’t matter as much as it seems to. After all, he only is his boss.

“I know I crossed the line when I shoved Biggs and I’m gonna take whatever IAB is going to dish out at me, but I’ve got some unfinished business here.” 

“Does it have to do with the Wells’ family?” H isn’t looking at him and it’s starting to bother Ryan a little. So he does his best to convince him, even tries a smile when he assures H he won’t create a conflict of interest but he doesn’t think he is doing a great job at being reassuring.

“So I’m deep with IAB?” he finally asks.

“Ryan. I’ve talked to Deputy Biggs and he’s agreed to drop the complaint.” Ryan releases a breath he hadn’t known he was holding, a weight lifting off his shoulders, and H goes on. “But I need something from you.”

Ryan sighs. He knows what H wants to hear so he says it. “I know, no more blow-ups.” But he isn’t sure how true that’s going to be.

“Mr Wolfe, I may not be able to help you next time.”

For some reason that sounds particularly ominous to Ryan. He hangs his head and nods.

\---

In the end, it’s a good thing he goes to the hearing. If only because he stops Austin’s dad from beating the crap out of Preston – once again, despite the fact that he probably deserves it. Austin looks relieved to see him and Ryan won’t take that away from the kid. God knows there are enough things going wrong in his life without adding Ryan not holding his word to the growing list.

Then they catch another break. Through Natalia this time. Ryan still never looks forward working with her but he is civil. He lets her interview Austin’s mother on her own – no need for a conflict of interest, right? – and starts going through the Councilman’s clothes again.

Natalia meets him back there when she is finished – no confession from Mrs Wells, apart from her failed attempt at seduction which she couldn’t go through with in the end – and that’s when Ryan sees it, at the back of the tie.

And he feels so stupid and _betrayed_ that he wants to punch something. But he isn’t going to blow – not so soon after promising H he wouldn’t – so he takes a deep breath and asks patrol to bring the kid in.

“You can’t make me.” Austin says stubbornly and oh so stupidly as he sits in front of Ryan. Christ, he is so _young_.

“Sure I can. Empty your pockets.”

As he analyzes the blade, a small part of him still hopes he is wrong, but he knows he isn’t. And science proves it.

It feels so… pointless, in the end. An angry teenage kid, who thought he saw something that wasn’t really there. Ryan throws himself in his chair and shakes his head. There are times in his job when Ryan feels useless. Like nothing he does is ever good enough, when bad guys go free and kids like Austin end up in jail. All for nothing.

There is still something he has to know though. “So all this time you were just trying to make me feel sorry for you, is that it?”

“Don’t act all hurt.” But oddly, he is. “You guys make us live by these laws but you don’t. I saw you shove that cop and nothing happened! You change it whenever you want something you can’t have!”

Ryan shakes his head and watches them take the kid away. Austin just doesn’t get it. But despite what he did, Ryan still feels sorry for him. If only he knew… Just because he can’t see it doesn’t mean there are no consequences. There usually are. That’s why taking justice into your own hands is never a good thing. And, of course, everything goes back to Eric.

Ryan rubs his head. He is tired and can feel a headache coming. Maybe he should just forget about the case and get drunk. Yep, that sounds like a great option. If only he could just get himself to move.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, brooding, but then there is someone next to him and something nudging his thigh. He looks up to see Eric there, looking concerned. Eric who, for some reason, guessed the case was important to Ryan and is now here.

“Come on, you need a drink.” Eric informs him and Ryan snorts. Great minds, and all that.

“You heard?”

“Yep. I thought you’d like to know the Court ruled the appeal in favour of the Wells and the other families.”

Ryan closes his eyes. For some reason, that victory doesn’t feel as sweet as it would have a couple of hours ago.

“That’s thanks to you, you know.”

Ryan looks back at Eric, trying to determine whether he is just trying to make him feel better or if he really means it. In the end, it doesn’t really matter, because it’s not really true either.

“All I did was shove a cop and ask a favour of Erica.”

Something flashes in Eric’s eyes too fast for Ryan to grasp and then it’s gone. “Stop putting yourself down. You did good. So what if you got a little worked up? It happens to everyone. And you couldn’t have known the kid was the murderer.”

Ryan winces a little at the reminder and gets to his feet. “I created a conflict of interest,” he quotes sarcastically.

Eric snorts. He can probably hear Horatio in those words. “You solved the case. And everyone on Cobalt Drive still has a home. I’d say that’s something.”

Finally, Ryan smiles – if only half-heartedly – and nods. Eric seems to think that’s a victory of some kind because he grins back and starts walking towards the locker room.

“Come on, let’s have that drink.”

Ryan follows.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x06 - which means borderline crack, given what was happening in that episode :)

Ryan is going through a file when a very familiar noise startles him – because that noise has nothing to do with a crime lab.

“Maggie!”

Ryan looks up only to watch his niece barrel out of the elevator and smack into Horatio’s legs, who happened to be standing in the hallway. She looks up at the man standing in her way – can’t he see she is here on important business? – and glares at him.

It is somewhat amusing to see the 6 year-old look at H like that and Ryan grins, edging closer. Horatio, on the other hand, seems to be in his element.

“Hello young lady. Where were…” he is interrupted by Ryan’s sister, who finally caught up with her wayward daughter.

“Maggie! I told you not to run.”

However, what she has to say is lost on the little girl as she spots her uncle and rushes towards him. She barely stops herself from careening into him in her excitement to see him.

“Uncle Ryan, you’re here! Mommy said we could come and see you!” She holds her arms up and he obligingly hoists her in his arms.

“I can see that,” Ryan says wryly, looking over at his sister who is currently apologizing to Horatio and seems to strike a conversation, shooting a look at Ryan. He tells himself not to panic – after all, there is only so much H can tell her. Melissa, who followed, now seems fully infused by her role as a teenager - she looks around with subtle interest while trying to look bored.

“It’s Ha-llo-ween soon! Mommy says we shouldn’t eat too many candies. Is that true? And it’s my birthday next week. You’re coming right?”

Ryan pretends to consider the question and Maggie pouts, pocking at him. “You promised!”

“Of course I’m coming,” Ryan relents, dropping a quick kiss on top of her head.

Just like that, her darkened expression clears – if only it always was that easy – and keeps on babbling. “Did you buy me a present?”

“Maybe…”

“What is it?”

“Now, I can’t tell you that, can I? It wouldn’t be a surprise.”

“I don’t mind!” she informs him happily. “What is it?”

Ryan is saved – somewhat – by Calleigh calling his name. He turns around, Maggie still talking his ear off and Calleigh starts, blinking at the two of them.

“Wow, Ryan is that your niece? She looks just like you.”

“No I don’t,” Maggie says decisively before Ryan has time to answer anything. “I’m a girl.”

Ryan can’t quite repress a snort. “Thanks Calleigh. Did you want something?”

“Oh, right.” Calleigh waves the file she was carrying in her hands. “It can wait.”

“No, that’s fine. I’ll be right there.” He glances towards his sister, who seems to be wrapping up her conversation with H. “Just give me…”

“Can I come too?” Maggie asks brightly.

“Noooo, you can’t. I’ll see you in a couple of minutes?” he adds for Calleigh’s benefit, who nods and retreats towards the lab. He also catches a glimpse of Eric watching them before turning back towards his sister.

“Hey Jenny, Melissa.” He gets a kiss from her sister and sets Maggie down, who grabs her sister’s hand and drags her towards one of the glass walls. “What are you doing here?” 

“Some shopping for me and the girls. We thought we would come over and say hi.”

“And check up on me?” he teases lightly and she mock-glares at him.

“By the way, is that him?”

Startled, Ryan turns in the direction of her nod only to see Eric still looking at them. Ryan frowns a little. What is he doing? 

“How did you guess?” he asks.

She shrugs. “He has been staring at us for the past couple of minutes. And he looks like your type.”

It’s Ryan’s turn to glare. “You don’t know what my type is. And could we not talk about this here?”

“Sure.” She pauses. “So when can we expect you on Saturday?”

Ryan gives up. “Around 10 okay?”

“We’ll see you then.” She smiles – and little evilly, in Ryan’s opinion – and calls her daughters. He watches them leave, already thinking he will get drilled about Eric and whatever she has gleaned from Horatio.

Heading back towards the trace lab and Calleigh, he sees Eric still standing there, his eyes shooting daggers at him. He is about to ask him what’s wrong when Eric turns on heel and storms towards the exit. What was that about?

“Hey, do you know what’s going on with Eric? He looks angry about something.”

Calleigh shakes her head, looking just as clueless as Ryan is feeling – he had thought they were past the sudden anger and unvoiced resentment.

“Never mind. So, what did you find?”

\---

A couple of hours later, as Calleigh is wrapping up their case, H calls him about a body and tells him to get Eric too. The ride there is spent mostly in cold silence, Eric’s eyes firmly on the road and Ryan fuming next to him.

“What’s your problem?” he finally asks, fed up with the whole situation.

Eric glances at him before giving his attention back to the road. “Nothing.”

Ryan sighs. He should have known he wasn’t going to get a straight answer out of him.

“I didn’t know you had a kid,” Eric finally volunteers and Ryan’s brain can’t quite follow. Then his synapses make the leap and he laughs. Which only seems to annoy Eric further.

“That was my niece. Maggie. Remember? I told…” There Ryan abruptly stops, because they seem to have an unspoken agreement not to mention their time together.

“Oh.” Now Eric sounds embarrassed too – and Ryan is secretly pleased. After all, he can understand Eric getting mad at him for not telling he had a daughter back when they were together, but the fact that it gets a reaction out of him now… It’s nice to know.

They split up when they arrive on the scene, Ryan heading for Horatio and Eric for the body.

It doesn’t take long to deal with the best friend/suspect/witness – they haven’t decided yet – and the cop from Thief Detail, and then Ryan joins Eric inside. He is still feeling jubilant from his discovery – although really, he shouldn’t, right? – and it shows. He meets Alexx in the hallway and she gives him a weird look. Right. Case, dead body. Stop smiling.

“Well Eric, what do we’ve got so far?” Crap. He just called him Eric. Usually, it’s Delko.

“Ryan, hum…” Eric seems just as surprised as he is, but catches himself quicker. “We got gold clubs, coffin and signs of a struggle.”

Then there is a strange rattling noise and the buzzing of flies and they both look towards it. “Wait a sec,” Eric mutters and they reach for the cupboard.

Ryan stares. Is that…?

“Oh God, that’s a real goat head.”

They crouch in front of it and Ryan can’t take his eyes away. It’s just… sick.

“It’s Santeria.” Startled out of his thoughts, he turns towards Eric. “Look, I’ll do all the sketching and photographs but I’m not touching anything.”

Eric sounds so serious that Ryan has to resist the urge to laugh.

“Why?” 

“Because I’m Catholic.”

“What has being Catholic got to do with it?”

Ryan listens, sceptical, as Eric goes on explaining what he knows about Santeria – which, Ryan thinks, is a lot – and tries very hard to keep a straight face. In truth, he finds the whole thing more disgusting than scary – after all, who in their right mind keeps a rotting goat’s head in their living room? How unhygienic!

“Let me get this straight,” he finally sums with more than a little disbelief – and ever growing amusement. “You’re scared of being cursed and that’s why you’re not going to collect the little coffin over there.”

“Yeah. It’s not out of fear though, it’s out of respect.” There Ryan really can’t help it. He grins. Riiiiight. “These are holy offerings, it’s sacrilegious to mess with them.”

“Oh, well,” and no, Ryan isn’t enjoying this. Or maybe just a little. “This is evidence.” Honestly, Eric doesn’t really believe in those things. Does he?

“That’s why you’re here.” 

Clearly he does. Great. Ryan is the one who gets to collect the head.

“Okay fine.” It doesn’t really matter after all. “I’m not scared.”

Why he feels the need to reassure himself of that out loud is anybody’s guess.

\---

The next thing he knows, things are really getting weird and completely out of hand. He is on his way to Alexx, minding his own business, when there is a strange sound behind him and something moving out of the corner of his eye. Which is completely stupid considering he is surrounded by gurneys with dead people on them, the key word here being _dead_ , meaning silent and definitely _not_ moving. It’s not his fault he is – slightly – on edge though. It’s Eric’s, with all his talk about voodoo and what’s not – it’s making him feel jumpy.

So when the body sits up and he runs, really, he can’t be blamed for it.

The fact that he runs to _Alexx_ for protection probably should worry him a little or send him to a shrink to discuss his childhood monsters and his relationship with his mother, but she is the closest and knows everything about dead bodies, so he figures she is a good choice. Not that he is thinking that much about it, he is too busying freaking out.

“Alexx!” He is out of breath and a little – a lot – out of his mind when he bursts into the autopsy room. Luckily she is alone so he will be forgiven for babbling about dead men moving – sitting up for Christ’s sake! – and he was right there Alexx, I saw him!

Alexx looks – understandingly – concerned. “Breathe Ryan, you’re not making any sense.”

Ryan takes a great gulp of air which has the benefit of clearing the bright spots dancing in front of his eyes and tries to calm down. When he thinks he’s got it down, he starts over.

“There was a body on a stretcher, he sat up!”

There Alexx moves past ‘concerned’ right into a mix of ‘irritated’ and ‘worried’ and Ryan feels a lot better. After all, those are valid reactions to finding out there is a dead man walking around your morgue. Then he realizes she is worried about _him_.

Not helping.

“Fine, I’ll show you.”

He drags her back towards the gurney – although he really doesn’t want to go back there – and stands back as she lifts the sheet.

“The body under the sheet sat up?” she says, disbelief coloring her words.

Ryan can’t blame her – after all, he was in her shoes only an hour ago – and the body is still there. Except that’s not him.

“No this is not the guy. The guy I saw was blond.” Ryan can feel the frustration growing inside him. “I know it sounds crazy, but this happened.”

“Ryan, this body is 100% dead. Crushed torso. Any movement would be impossible.”

“That’s not the guy!” Why doesn’t she understand that? “There’s got to be an explanation for all of this, right?” Because if there isn’t, he is going crazy.

“There is.” He looks at her, hopeful. He _knew_ there had to be an explanation. “You. The Santeria stuff has got you spooked!”

“I don’t know, I don’t know.” And he doesn’t, not anymore. Everything is getting mixed up in his head and he doesn’t know what to believe anymore. He is also dangerously close to yelling or crying and it’s not a feeling he enjoys.

In the end, Alexx convinces him to go back to the lab and he goes, reluctantly, with a last look at the dead guy. No matter how crazy that sounds, he knows what he saw. Maybe he _is_ going crazy.

So when Valera greets him with a cheerful “Must be your lucky day!” he has to restrain himself from glaring at her. But then she gives him the answer to his prayer – he is _not_ going crazy! – and it’s back to Alexx. 

There is something weird going on in the morgue.

\---

This time he is prepared. He’s taken everything they have on the – dead? – guy down with him and is now showing it to Alexx.

“I still don’t understand how my body put another body here and walked out of the morgue!”

It’s true that when you put it like that, it sounds insane. But Ryan won’t be deterred.

“Yeah well, we’re about to find out.”

He rifles through the file and something very strange – yet again – happens. He can’t feel his hands. The file slips through his fingers and he tries to catch it, but he can’t. His fingers won’t move. He stares at them, an odd feeling of detachment washing over him.

“You’re gonna pick that up?” Alexx’s voice startles him out of his contemplation.

“I can’t feel my hands.” His voice sounds completely bewildered, and he doesn’t understand what’s happening. 

“You’re messing with me.” Alexx says, the beginning of a smile on her face but Ryan’s blank look wipes it off.

“No, they’re completely numb. Is there something on them?” Ryan’s brain still hasn’t caught up with the situation, which is a good thing otherwise he would be going into a full blown panic attack.

Instead he turns his hands over, looking at them more closely and is that…? Yes, it looks like a powder of some sort.

“Okay, don’t worry, I can fix this.” Alexx pulls him towards the sink and Ryan feels completely out of it. Like it isn’t really happening.

“It’s the curse. My God Alexx it’s the curse,” he hears himself saying over the roar in his ears and dimly recognizes that shock must be setting in.

He stands there with his hands under the water, watching it cascade with an odd sense of fascination. Alexx has let him go and he thinks he hears her talking on the phone but he isn’t really paying attention. Then Alexx turns the water off and gently steers him out of the morgue towards a chair.

“Here, sit down,” she says and as he makes no move to comply, still blinking at her – my God, there really _is_ a curse, it’s real, he has to talk to Eric – she makes him sit. “I called Horatio, he is on his way. Paramedics will be here soon to check you out, okay?”

Ryan can finally make himself nod and gets a relieved smile for his trouble.

Sure enough, H is there soon afterwards and he might have said something to him, but Ryan is still a little fuzzy about it. Then the paramedics are there too, and it’s getting a little crowded. Ryan still can’t feel his hands but the fog that was in his mind is starting to lift, just in time for him to see Eric jogging towards him.

“Ryan! You’re okay?”

“I can’t feel my hands.” Ryan repeats.

“What!? What happened?”

Ryan can’t answer that because he has no idea himself and Eric looks anxiously at Alexx who gives a pointed nod in the morgue’s direction.

“Right. Look man, I’m going to process the scene alright? I’ll talk to you later.”

Ryan nods again and lets the paramedics do their job. He even gets a short trip to the hospital when Eric calls Alexx to tell her it’s blowfish poison in order to monitor his heart rate but the dose he came in contact with was too small to be dangerous.

 

It takes some time but feeling finally comes back into Ryan’s fingers – and it hurts like hell. It starts as a tingle and then it’s like there are needles poking at him. _Not_ pleasant. Luckily it doesn’t last long – just long enough to have him wishing he was still numb – and they finally let him leave the hospital. He goes back to the lab and walks into Eric outside the interrogation rooms.

He still looks concerned and Ryan decides maybe that curse isn’t such a bad thing.

“So you’re okay?” Eric asks and Ryan grins at him with more confidence he is actually feeling.

“I’m good.”

And then it’s back to Alexx again.

Which turns out to be a good thing, since it leads them to the ex-husband, and then to the computer – which bursts into flames right in front of their eyes, and how can Calleigh be so calm about it? – and back to the best friend.

With four millions in gold thrown in for good measure.

Then his luck fails him again as H asks him to take a look at the coffin. Ryan wants to whine and tell him to ask Calleigh but he likes his job, thank you very much. So that’s how he finds himself in the trace lab, crouching on the floor and staring at the thing like it might burst into flame or move on its own. You never know.

“Starting to believe?”

Eric’s voice startles him and he gets up quickly.

“Well… there is a dead guy walking around and I suffered temporary paralysis and then there was some spontaneous combustion, all that since we brought this ‘thing’ in here. So I would have to say that yes, Santeria might have something to do with Alissa’s death.”

Of course, that’s when Eric decides he isn’t that much of a believer and their roles from this morning are reversed. Ryan liked it better the first time around. Especially when…

“A graveyard… Yeah of course.”

Eric, of course, smirks at him.

\---

The graveyard turns out to be no fun at all. Of course, Eric would have to tell him not to use his flashlight. Wandering around after dark in a cemetery just is Ryan’s idea of fun. One thing is certain, he will never look at Halloween the same ever again.

“Did you see that?” Ryan almost jumps out of his skin at a rustling noise.

Eric snorts. “Just take it easy Wolfe, alright?”

Easy for him to say. Things don’t keep happening to _him_ , do they?

Then there is another sound and Eric scrambles for his gun and flashlight before Ryan has time to move. The light falls on an iguana staring back at them placidly and Ryan can’t help it, he laughs out loud. It’s mostly nerves though.

“Not a word, Wolfe,” Eric warns him but the self-conscious smile on his face takes all the threat out of his words.

“Take it easy Delko,” he mimics.

“Not a word.”

They keep walking and Eric tells him they’re getting close. Just a second later, Ryan makes out a dark form where there shouldn’t be one.

“Somebody’s here.” They both take out their gun and start running.

“Miami Dade PD! Identify yourself!” Ryan shouts, followed by an undignified “humph” as his feet tangle with something and he falls down. And finds himself face to face with his dead guy/not dead guy. Who really looks dead this time.

“You okay Wolfe?” Eric asks and there is no trace of laughter in his voice anymore.

Ryan gets up. “I hate this case.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

\---

When they finally close the case, it’s only after another couple of close calls. Their evidence car blows up and so does the centrifuge. But no one is hurt. They don’t catch the best friend –who ended up being the murderer – and Ryan isn’t happy about that.

“All this and we didn’t even catch the killer,” he sighs. There is no record of her anywhere. That has to be more than luck.

But Calleigh doesn’t seem to agree. How does she do that?

Eric looks as bewildered by her lack of cooperation as he feels. “So what? None of this means anything to you?”

And then it turns out the woman took her little coffin right out of the crime lab.

“I can’t believe she walked right in here and took it,” he is still grumbling about it in the locker room. They had to tell Horatio of course, and their boss wasn’t pleased. Plus Ryan hasn’t slept last night, thanks to their little trip to the graveyard, and he is tired.

Eric makes a self-deprecating noise next to him. “Yeah. Has to be the curse.”

Ryan finds himself agreeing and they grin at each other. Who would have thought, yesterday morning, that they would agree on the matter of curses?

“So, are your hands really okay?” Eric asks and Ryan rolls his eyes dramatically. 

“See?” He wiggles his fingers around to prove his point. “As good as new.”

“Good.”

They left it at that, but there is something in Eric’s eyes Ryan hasn’t seen – or hasn’t let himself see – in quite some time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x07, and going a little off-script.

They’re working a case on a decapitated teenage boy when the next tumble in Ryan’s life shows up. 

“Hey, who is that guy? Do you know him?” 

Ryan looks around, wondering who Eric is talking about. Then his eyes land on a young man holding a camera, and of course, Eric would have to ask _him_. And unless Erica – who is the only journalist he knows – had a sex change, he doesn’t know the guy.

So he follows Eric as he heads for the man, wondering briefly why they’re doing this instead of letting the uniforms handle it – they’re the ones in charge of the perimeter, after all. 

It turns out that the guy – ‘Mike Doyle, Documentary Film Maker’ – is here to film them as per the Mayor’s Office’s orders, ‘to cast a better light on their department’.

Eric scoffs and tells him to leave. Doyle doesn’t seem impressed, or even in the slightest intimidated. In fact, he is smirking at Eric and Ryan briefly wonders if the guy has a death wish – Eric’s glare is nothing to joke about. Ryan knows, he has been on its receiving end more than once in the past.

When Eric turns on heel and goes back to the evidence, Ryan is left staring at the business card the man has produced. And he feels torn. He knows the lab’s reputation suffered from having a mole and that something must be done about it. He just isn’t sure a documentary is the solution. He knows he certainly doesn’t want to be the one doing it.

Still, it doesn’t hurt to take that card. They might need it later on when the guy starts snooping around, and Ryan knows the type. He definitely will.

When he turns back towards Eric and the scene, he is relieved to see that his partner hasn’t seen that last exchange – he doesn’t feel up to defending himself right now. So he walks back towards Eric and surveys all the evidence lying on the ground.

“So, how long do you think it’s going to take to collect all this?” he asks almost rhetorically, more to judge Eric’s mood than anything else.

Luckily, Eric smiles. His black mood seems to have evaporated with Doyle’s departure.

“Long. And wait ‘til we get back to the lab. There’s got to be… what? 30 beer bottles? That alone will take ages to process.”

Ryan must look as horrified as he feels because Eric smirks.

“Come on, let’s get it over with.”

And it does, indeed, take long to collect everything and head back to the lab, where Ryan finds himself staring at Eric in disbelief when he announces:

“I’ll take the prints. You deal with Trace and DNA.”

“What?” he sputters. “Why?”

“Superiority, man. Superiority.” Eric looks way too pleased with himself and Ryan groans.

“Gee, thanks.”

This is going to take forever.

\---

Ryan is walking out of the DNA lab where he dropped approximately 20 swabs and twice as much cigarette butts to Valera – who didn’t look any more pleased than he had been – when Horatio’s voice stops him.

“Mr Wolfe, I’d like to talk to you in my office if you have a minute.”

Ryan thinks for a couple of seconds – Valera is handling DNA, and Trace is still running so there is no rush – and nods.

“Sure.” He follows H into his office, trying to figure out a possible reason for this meeting and coming up empty.

“Take a seat,” Horatio motions towards one of the chairs in front of his desk. Ryan sits, reluctantly. H shows no sign of sitting himself and it’s making him uneasy. 

“I heard you and Eric ran into someone from the Mayor’s Office this morning, about a documentary.” 

H looks thoughtful, playing with his sunglasses, and Ryan instantly feels defensive. So that’s what this is about. Good to know he is only allotted a limited trust around here. He had thought they were past that.

“Look, H…”

“Please, let me finish,” H interrupts smoothly.

Ryan clicks his jaw shut and frowns. Fine. He’ll wait.

“The Mayor is adamant about this documentary being done.”

It doesn’t look like it’s going to be about him after all so Ryan nods. Sure, he can see why. The lab’s reputation is less than stellar right now. Having a mole leaking information on sensitive cases would do that. And no, he isn’t still bitter about it.

“I personally think we should let the evidence speak for itself in this matter -” Ryan has to refrain himself from snorting at that and instead settles on raising an ironic eyebrow. That would be just like H. Except sometimes it wasn’t enough. “- but I’ve been overruled.”

Horatio falls silent and Ryan looks at him expectantly.

“So they’re going to make that documentary?” he presses.

“Yes.”

Horatio is looking pensive again, almost apologetic, and Ryan feels dread coiling inside him. 

“I want them to follow you.”

“What?!” Ryan jumps to his feet – no way is he sitting for this conversation – and stares at his boss with disbelief. “Look, H, I really don’t want to do it. I mean, it’s not such a good idea, is it? Last time I tried something like that… Well, you know what happened. I’m not doing it again.”

Because hell no, he doesn’t want to do it. In fact, he doesn’t want to have anything to do with a camera ever again. The fiasco with Erica taught him that much – the distrust, the snide comments. Horatio should know better and Ryan is left feeling betrayed once more. He doesn’t want to go through that again. Especially when things with Eric are looking up. Because Eric sure as hell will take it the wrong way, no matter what he says.

But H is just looking at him with that sympathetic look on his face and Ryan doesn’t want his pity. He wants him to say he doesn’t have to do this.

“I’m sorry Ryan, but we don’t have a choice in that matter. I won’t let it interfere with your work, Doyle has been warned.”

Ryan smiles bitterly. Of course. And once again, he’ll be the one paying the price. But he forces himself to calm down. Realistically, he knows it has to be done. With the lab’s reputation being so low, they’re having a hard time getting juries on their side. Instead, they look at the evidence with distrust. Ryan can’t really blame them.

“Fine,” he says through gritted teeth. “I’ll do it.”

He’ll take one for the team, although he doesn’t think the team will thank him for it.

\---

Therefore he isn’t in the best of moods the rest of the day. To make things worse, he has to work with Natalia, who gets all high and mighty on him. He wants to scream at her that it’s all her fault, but that wouldn’t do (no more blow-ups, right?). Because if the higher-ups had just fired her when they found out she was the mole, they wouldn’t be here today. The public wouldn’t feel vindicated, and he wouldn’t have to do this stupid documentary.

So he settles on switching the hydraulics on. Childish, yes, but worth it.

\---

When they find a clue as to who might have triggered the car, Ryan pops into Trace and grabs Eric to check it out. He knows the other man has probably heard about the documentary by now, and he might as well get it over with. Unsurprisingly, Eric is pissed. To think that only this morning on their way to the scene he was telling him all about Maggie’s birthday party. It seems far away now.

They’re so busy arguing that they almost get run over. That stops the conversation in its tracks.

\---

They don’t mention it again, the case keeping them busy, but Ryan is relieved to see that Eric behaves normally – or as normally as they ever do in each other’s presence. The subject will probably come up again, but Ryan is content with letting it lie for now.

In fact, he is supposed to meet Doyle in an hour to talk about the documentary, and he doesn’t feel up to another argument.

“See you tomorrow, man,” he mumbles as he closes his locker. Eric nods and looks like he wants to say something, but Ryan beats him to it and is out of the door before he has time to open his mouth.

\---

Doyle is already waiting for him when Ryan arrives.

“Glad to see you again,” Doyle smiles, “How did the case go?”

“You know I can’t talk about it,” Ryan frowns. 

Doyle raises his hands in the air. “Whoa, relax, I was just being polite.”

Ryan sighs. Sure, relax. He’ll have to try that.

“Look,” he says, “I agreed to do this but I didn’t have that much of a choice, okay? Maybe you should ask for someone else.”

Doyle looks him over critically, that smirk still playing on his face, and Ryan has to resist the urge to glower – or blush.

“No, you’ll do just fine,” Doyle declares. “Look, it won’t be that hard. I’ll just follow you around, sometimes I’ll ask you to explain what you’re doing, and if you don’t want me to film something, you tell me. Most of the time, you won’t even know I’m there, I promise.”

Ryan is still dubious and it must show because Doyle leans closer. “Come on, I’ll make it good for you,” he cajoles and Ryan stares. Is that guy _hitting_ on him?

“Alright!” Doyle sounds excited, even though Ryan hasn’t said anything. “We’ll keep in touch and set this up when it’s convenient for both of us.”

Ryan can only nod and watch him walk away.

This is just what he needs right now.

Except not.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x09, AU-ish.

After a couple of days and twice as many snide comments from Eric, Ryan decides that’s enough. At first, he had thought it would all blow over eventually, but it hasn’t and he is getting tired of it. He will not let Eric ridicule his efforts to save the lab’s reputation, nor will he let him make this about _them_ , because it’s not.

So he slams his locker door shut and feels a twinge of satisfaction when Eric jumps, taken aback by the loud noise.

“What’s your problem?” Ryan asks angrily.

Eric frowns. “My problem? What the hell are you talking about, Wolfe?”

“Look, ever since that documentary guy came by you’ve been acting like a jerk!”

“ _I’ve_ been acting like a jerk? What about you? Why did you have to go and volunteer to do that thing? It’s always the same with you, Ryan – just like with Erica, right?”

“You think that’s what it is? Publicity?” Ryan’s voice rises as his emotions get the better of him, not believing what he is hearing.

“Isn’t it?” Eric asks aggressively, taking one step towards Ryan who holds his ground and glowers back.

“I didn’t even want to do the thing! H asked me to!” Ryan yells, throwing his hands in the air.

That seems to bring Eric up short. They remain standing close, breathing hard, until Ryan snorts bitterly and steps back.

“You know what, I don’t care what you think. Just stop being an asshole.”

He starts to walk away when Eric’s hand on his arm stops him.

“Why did Horatio ask you?”

Ryan sighs. He is more tired than angry now, and he just wants them to stop fighting.

“I don’t know, okay? I told him I didn’t want to do it, and I ended up doing it anyway.”

Eric opens his mouth to say something but Ryan presses on.

“Look, it doesn’t matter whether I wanted the part or not. Someone had to do it.”

“ _Why_?”

Ryan rubs his forehead and sits down. He had thought Eric had more foresight than this. Then again, their relationship failed mainly due to Eric’s inability – or unwillingness? – to see what his actions would cause, so he shouldn’t be surprised. Eric has always been one to think that if he ignores something hard enough, it will go away. Only sometimes it doesn’t, and that’s when he would get angry.

“The lab had a mole, everybody knows that,” he starts tonelessly. It always goes back to Natalia – he doesn’t want to think that maybe it’s why Eric has so much trouble with all this. “Everybody on the street knows that too. And even if Boa Vista’s name was never released to the press, if she had been fired it would have made the evening news. It didn’t. Don’t you see what it does to us in court? Juries don’t like knowing the evidence might have been handled by someone who leaked information, they don’t trust it anymore.”

He swallows hard and tries to tell himself it isn’t that big a deal if Eric doesn’t want to listen to him. So he looks at Eric and relief floods him when he realizes Eric seems more thoughtful than furious.

“The mayor has to do some damage control,” he half-pleads, because Eric has got to see that it was the only choice, hell that he had _no_ choice. “Someone came up with the idea of the documentary. And now I’ll have to walk around with some guy filming me all day. Not my idea of fun, believe me.”

His attempt at lightening the situation falls flat and silence settles between them. He can see that Eric is considering what he’s said and he wants to run. Why did it have to happen now, when they were finally getting their friendship back on track, and when Ryan had the smallest of hopes that maybe…

“Look, you don’t have to like it, okay? I don’t,” Ryan starts again, the silence making him edgy. “And I’m not asking you to be nice to me all the time, I can deal with your moods. Just… stop always thinking the worst of me all the time. I’m not that bad.”

That’s all he wants, really. A little fairness. He knows there will be days when Eric will be in a bad mood and take it out on the people around him, and Ryan might be one of them. That he can understand, and accept. Everybody has bad days, himself included. What he doesn’t understand, can’t understand, is why Eric is always so eager to condemn him – they were lovers, for Christ's sake! Does he really think so little of him? Why bother with him in the first place then?

“I know that,” Eric finally whispers, and Ryan ignores the way his heart twists in his chest. “Where did you learn so much about lab politics anyway?” he continues, a faint smile playing on his face and Ryan snorts.

“From Calleigh, who else? Someone had to. God knows you and H aren’t good at it.”

“Yeah, we’re not.” Eric huffs a breath of laughter and just like that they’re back to normal – or what passes for normal with them. His relationship with Eric never ceases to amaze him – it can be so simple and easy at times, while at others it seems insurmountable.

“So, we’re good?”

“Yeah, we are. Sorry about before.” Eric looks at him wistfully and Ryan nods.

What else is there to say?

\---

Thankfully, their conversation seems to have cleared the air. The next few days go without a hitch – and they need it, especially when Boa Vista’s sister gets kidnapped. It has everyone on edge and Erica being a bitch doesn’t make anything better. Still, Eric doesn’t fly at him with accusations of leaking information to her, so Ryan figures he is out of the woods.

In fact, Ryan finds himself feeling sorry for Natalia. He hadn’t thought he would ever be able to work with her without feeling bitter and angry, and he still is, but it’s muted now. Guess he’s had more important things on his mind. And so had she, clearly.

Still, at the first moment he gets, he grabs his phone.

“Hello?” the familiar voice answers and Ryan briefly closes his eyes, a weight he hadn’t known he was carrying suddenly lifted off his shoulders.

“Hey, it’s me,” he tells his sister.

“Ryan? Everything okay?” She sounds worried, and of course she would be, it’s not like him to call her in the middle of the day when they’re both working.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he does his best to reassure her. “Just wanted to see how you were.”

“I’m great actually.” He can tell she isn’t totally convinced but Eric is signalling him he’s found something and there is no time for more.

“Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later okay?”

“Sure.”

He hangs up, and goes back to work.

\---

In the end, they find not one but three of the missing women and Ryan feels pretty good about it.

His good mood can’t even be shattered by Doyle’s phone call – the man has been calling him every few days since Ryan ‘agreed’ to be his subject for the documentary, with brand new ideas about what he’d like to film every time. And honestly, Ryan doesn’t get why the guy is so excited. It’ll probably be incredibly boring. After all, Ryan’s told him before: most of the time there is nothing thrilling or dangerous about his work, there is just collecting the evidence and looking at it from every possible angle. And while he likes his job just fine, he is also aware that it’d be far from glamorous to an outsider.

Still, he listens dutifully to Doyle’s latest idea, making vague noises from time to time so that Doyle will think he is paying attention, and waves at Eric and Calleigh on his way out.

Just another day’s work.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x10, going a little off-script again.

New day, new case.

Except this one turns out to be one of ‘those’, when they first stumble into Calleigh’s old boyfriend, and then into an investigation by Homeland Security. Which is never a good thing, with Horatio determined to be top dog and the guys – and in this case woman – from Homeland less than eager to let him.

Ryan doesn’t care though – he just does his job. 

Still, they manage to get a hold of the tapes recording their vic’s death and that’s already something. Eric and H deal with them and when H asks him to come over, he figures they’ve found something. Indeed they have, and the DA is getting them a warrant to search Kinkella’s residence. But that’s not the only reason H asked for him.

“Mr Wolfe. If you wouldn’t mind checking on Eric…”

Ryan involuntarily tenses – he doesn’t like being reminded that his boss knows about them – then forces his muscles to loosen. It’s no big deal. He can’t help being worried though – if H is asking him now, it must be serious – but he carefully schools his features before asking why.

“I fear Eric didn’t take well to listening to Miss Roth’s death. He is in the restroom.”

Horatio clearly isn’t going to say more and Ryan shrugs before heading for the bathroom. He isn’t sure he agrees with H’s assessment of the situation – after all, Eric has never been one to admit weakness in front of anyone. The fact that it’s Ryan isn’t going to change that. In fact, it might make things worse. But concern wins and he steels himself before pushing the door open.

He finds Eric leaning heavily against one of the sinks. The water is still running, and droplets are rolling down his face. He looks paler than usual too, and briefly glances at Ryan before shutting the water off and pretending everything is fine.

Ryan isn’t fooled. 

So he hands him a paper towel and waits. It’s always been the best tactic with Eric – the silence drives him crazy. Ryan had made an art of it when they were together. And it’s nice to know that he hasn’t lost his touch.

Sure enough, it takes Eric all of five seconds before he starts talking. 

“It’s just… you know. I’ve never heard anyone die before,” his voice trails off and he avoids Ryan’s eyes. “It’s strange.”

So that’s what this is about. 

Ryan can understand.

“I know.”

Eric finally looks at him, full of expectations – as if he thinks Ryan is going to explain this to him. But there is nothing to explain.

“I was in patrol,” Ryan starts hesitantly. He doesn’t think it’s going to help Eric – they all have to deal in their own way – but it might make him feel less alone. “There was a pile-up on the freeway. When we got there, it was… not looking good. Three cars, and there was this girl… she had been in the passenger seat of one of them and the driver was dead. The paramedics were on their way – we were the first on the scene. And she… she was in a bad way. Couldn’t have been more than… I don’t know, 20?”

Ryan swallows – this is more painful than he had thought it would be – but Eric’s intent gaze keeps him going.

“Anyway… I stayed with her, you know? Told her the paramedics would be there soon, that she would be fine, stuff like that.” And suddenly, he is back there and he can almost see her, the car a mess of metal and the boy next to her with his eyes open and unseeing. “I knew I was probably lying – I mean, she couldn’t feel anything and she was bleeding a lot. She held my hand, and she died before the ambulance got there.”

“What did you do after?” Eric asks after a moment of silence and Ryan blinks, brought back to the present.

“Talked to her parents. Then I went home and tried not to think about it. When that didn’t work, I got drunk.”

“Did it work?” Eric sounds hopeful and Ryan smiles humourlessly.

“Not too much, no.”

“So what does?”

Ryan sighs. “Nothing. You go back to work the next day, and the day after that, and you don’t think about it as much as you used to.”

Eric breathes in deeply and nods sharply, a resolved look settling on his features.

“Let’s get back to work.”

Ryan follows.

\---

Only hours later, their murder case has turned into a terrorist plan to blow up Miami and when Ryan catches a glimpse of Eric, he seems to be back in his element. It’ll probably last until he is home alone tonight – if Miami is still standing and they’re all alive by then. Which is less than certain, considering the way things are looking. They have terrorists on the move, and no idea where they’re going.

Calleigh and Natalia are on the docks, trying to figure out what kind of explosive they’re looking at and Ryan is waiting with Cooper for the update. When he gets the call, they finally get lucky – if you can call it that.

They know where the terrorists are heading, but they’re not out of the woods yet – they still need to stop them. And once he has transmitted the information to Horatio, there is nothing to do but wait.

He is pacing back and forth, watching the satellite feed with apprehension when Eric comes in. He doesn’t look so good now, but Ryan figures he doesn’t either. Thoughts of imminent death and radiation poisoning would do that to anyone.

“What news?” Eric asks.

“They’re heading for Turkey Point,” Ryan says succinctly, letting Eric absorb the ramifications of his words.

“Fuck.”

And that says it all. “Yeah.”

They both look at the screen as if they’re expecting something to happen right there and then, and when it doesn’t Ryan can’t stand the stillness and resumes pacing.

“That’s the trunk?” Eric asks suddenly after what feels like an eternity and he steps closer to the monitor.

Ryan stops walking abruptly and moves to stand next to him.

“What are they doing?”

The image is fuzzy and not very precise, and the next thing they know there is a huge explosion on the screen. For a second, they’re not sure what blew up and Ryan feels Eric shifting anxiously next to him, his nearness distracting yet comforting. They wait with baited breath for the cloud to clear and when it finally does, they both slump with relief to see the road block still intact. They didn’t get to the power plant. 

Relieved, they exchange a weak smile, pretend they haven’t noticed the way their shoulders are touching – near death experience and all – and go spread the good news.

\---

Later, Ryan is just finishing cataloguing the evidence from the case when a noise makes him look up and there is Eric, leaning against the doorway.

“So,” Eric says in a would-be casual voice, “how about a drink to celebrate that Miami is still standing? The others are coming,” he adds somewhat precipitately when Ryan doesn’t answer immediately.

Ryan glances at his work – he is about done here anyway – and back at the other man. 

“Good idea. I have to drop this off first. Meet you outside?”

“Sure.”

When he steps out of the lab ten minutes later, he finds Doyle – great – and Eric glaring at each other. He groans. What is Doyle doing here?

“Hey guys. What’s going on?” he asks, breaking the stand-off.

Doyle turns towards him and smiles brightly, completely ignoring Eric now that Ryan has joined them. That only seems to make Eric angrier.

“Ryan! Just the man I was looking for. Look, I’ve got to talk to you about this idea I got and we really need to come up with a date… for the filming. Why don’t we discuss it around a drink?”

“He can’t. He’s already got plans,” Eric interrupts and it’s Ryan’s turn to glower. He can speak for himself, thank you very much.

“Thank you Eric,” he says icily before continuing, more warmly, “I can’t right now. Why don’t you call Lt. Caine? He should be able to come up with a date.”

Doyle looks disappointed but nods anyway, and Ryan sighs. He really could do without all the drama. As he watches Doyle go, he turns back towards Eric who, despite looking more pleased than he ought to, is still glaring after Doyle.

“Hey! Don’t start now,” Ryan warns him. “He’s just doing his job.”

Eric sends him the most unconvinced look and snorts “Yeah, right!” under his breath. 

Ryan rolls his eyes. Okay, so Doyle isn’t _just_ doing his job. But he isn’t interested – wonder whose fault that is – and it’s none of Eric’s business anyway.

Luckily, Alexx chooses that moment to join them and spares them both from an uncomfortable silence.

Ryan really can’t wait for this whole documentary thing to be over.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x10, switching to Eric's POV in this one.

Eric knows he is staring. He also knows he isn’t particularly subtle about it, but Ryan doesn’t – or won’t – see it. 

They’re working on the case of a dead marine recruiter and Eric can’t concentrate. In fact, he is close to being mesmerized by Ryan’s hair. Not that he’s ever paid much attention to Ryan's hair in the first place, but today it’s sticking up on his head and Eric wants to run his hand through it and ruffle it some more.

That wouldn’t go well with Ryan, he thinks, so he tries to focus on the job instead. And fails miserably. 

That’s why it’s almost a relief to leave Ryan behind to interview the widow while he goes back to the lab to process the man’s personal effects. He lifts a print and runs it through AFIS – while it does, he finally allows his mind to wander.

Wander back to when he and Ryan were still ‘he and Ryan’ even if no one knew. That had been one of the many mistakes he'd made back then, he can see it now. That, along with a dozen others, none as big as leaving him behind.

Looking back, their relationship seems perfect – and maybe it had been. Eric’s mind has wiped off all the little imperfections, all the disagreements and fights – and he is pretty sure there were fights, if only because he knows himself and he knows Ryan – leaving behind this idyllic picture that has Eric longing for it. But even with all its negative aspects firmly anchored in his brain, Eric knows he would still long for it, because back then Ryan had been his and he had been Ryan’s, and they had been happy.

He has no illusion. He knows he only has himself to blame for the abrupt way their relationship ended. He left to go to Rio, despite Ryan’s plea that he shouldn't. It was something he needed to do at the time, but looking back it wasn’t worth it. It cost him Ryan, and he didn’t gain anything from it, except the fleeting satisfaction the knowledge that Riaz was dead brought him. That faded quickly, and he found himself with nothing. No Marisol, and no Ryan. 

Only loss had come of his obsession with revenge. The loss of Ryan and of their relationship. The loss of their friendship too, for a time at least. He regrets it now. He regrets everything.

But there is little he can do about it, except go forward and make things up to Ryan. Things are back to normal now – as normal as they can be with the two of them involved – and he won’t screw this up again. 

In fact, in some ways, things are even better than before. They had jumped from being adversaries to being lovers back then, and Eric has probably learned more about Ryan since they split up than he had when they were together. Now they can go out for a drink – and no, those aren’t dates, he tries to tell his brain – and talk about this or that, and it’s… well… fun. Ryan also doesn’t take any of his crap anymore, and Eric figures they’re better off now.

Maybe one day, they’ll…

His thoughts are interrupted by Natalia and he forcefully brings his attention back to the job at hand.

Things like ‘how to get Ryan back’ will have to wait.

\---

A couple of hours later he glances out the window and sees Ryan and that documentary guy – Doyle, is it? – talking in front of the lab.

What is he doing here _again_? 

It feels like he is always around these days and Eric doesn’t like it. Oh no, he doesn’t like it one bit. He’ll have to talk to Horatio, ask him when that documentary is finally going to get done. Maybe then they (Eric) will finally be rid of him.

And really, it’s an effort not to go outside and drag Ryan back in, or to call him and pretext an emergency. But he manages – barely.

It’s a small mercy that Ryan seems just as annoyed to see Doyle – except that that guy keeps leaning closer and Eric growls under his breath, his hands clenching into fists. The tech working next to him sends him a weird look and edges away but Eric doesn’t care. He is too busy analyzing the scene. And he can’t believe the man! Can’t he get a hint? Ryan doesn’t want to have anything to do with him! 

But Ryan isn’t moving away. Why isn’t Ryan moving away? Why is he letting that bastard stand so close to him? Ryan doesn’t like it when strangers invade his personal space so why is he tolerating this?

But maybe they’re not strangers. Maybe… No, that’s not possible. That Doyle guy is clearly interested, but Ryan… No.

‘And why not?’ a snide voice asks inside his head. ‘It’s not like you have any claim on the man now, have you?’

‘Ryan loves _me_ ,’ he replies, certain he has the upper hand. It might sound incredibly arrogant but it’s true, after all. Ryan loves him and he loves Ryan. They just couldn’t make it work when they tried. 

‘No, Ryan _loved_ you. You screwed that up, remember? It’s not like he is going to pine after you for the rest of his life.’

Shaken by that possibility and unable to watch anymore, he steps away from the window and heads for the Trace lab, which happens to be on the other side of the building. That way, he won’t be tempted. What really hurts is that some part of him had always figured that at some point in the future, when they were both ready, he would gather his courage and beg Ryan for another chance. Not that he deserves it or anything. Just maybe…

\---

He avoids Ryan after that. He knows that if he doesn’t, he’ll come across as irritable and angry – which he is, at himself and at Doyle and even, irrationally, at Ryan – and he promised a couple of week ago that he would make an effort not to take things out on Ryan. He intends to keep that promise. After all, it might make the difference when… if… they get back together.

Things aren’t looking too good on that front right now.

So that’s why he jumps at the opportunity when H asks for a volunteer to work on a case as a personal favour. That way, he is pretty sure not to cross paths with Ryan – or Doyle, if he is still around – until he has calmed down somewhat.

Indeed, it’s late in the day when he sees Ryan again. Both cases are closed and Ryan looks almost surprised to see him. Eric ignores the twinge of guilt at the reminder that he switched cases without telling him, relying on Calleigh to pass the message along. 

It had seemed like a good idea at the time.

“Hey, where did you disappear to earlier?” Ryan asks as he hangs his lab coat in his locker.

Eric shrugs. “H needed help with a case.”

“Oh.” Ryan doesn’t say anything more, and again Eric feels that twinge in his chest, and it’s getting harder and harder to push it away.

“So, how are things going with Doyle?”

Ryan tenses and Eric wants to hit himself. Clearly, not the best way to go about things, considering how he had first reacted to the news.

“I mean,” he hastily corrects, “did H come up with a date for the filming? That way you’d get it over.” – and Doyle would stop sniffing around, he doesn’t add.

“No, there is still nothing,” Ryan sounds as frustrated as Eric is feeling, and that’s a good sign right? If he and Doyle were dating or whatever, he wouldn’t mind that much. Would he?

“Look,” he starts, resolved to bring the subject up. But of course – _of course_ – Ryan’s phone picks that moment to ring shrilly and Eric wants to throttle whoever is calling.

When it turns out to be Doyle, he only gets comforted in that thought.

Ryan checks the caller ID and groans. “Not again,” he mutters and Eric edges closer.

“Doyle, can’t it wait? I’m just getting off work,” Ryan says, rolling his eyes at Eric – which is very good, right?

“Tonight?” Ryan checks his watch and Eric feels cold all over thinking that Ryan was just invited for a drink or _something_.

Taking matters into his own hands – which he figures he should have done weeks ago – he snatches the phone from Ryan’s hand, barks a short “Busy. Bye.” and snaps it shut.

Ryan is looking at him with a completely bewildered expression on his face and Eric feels a little silly, but it’s more than worth the satisfaction to know that he prevented a disaster.

“What did you do that for?!”

And okay, he should have predicted Ryan wouldn’t be too pleased with him.

“That guy is harassing you Ryan!”

“No he isn’t. He is just…”

“Doing his job,” Eric finishes for him. “We both know it’s not just that.”

Ryan crosses his arms on his chest and looks mutinous. “So what if he wants to fuck me? I don’t see why it’s any of your concern!”

“It is!” Eric yells, making them both jump at his outburst, and nonononono he won’t lose his temper, he _won’t_! So he takes a deep breath, but it was enough to make Ryan’s eyes sparkle dangerously.

“What do you want with me Eric? You can’t just…” Ryan’s voice trails off, his anger deflating as quickly as it flared, and Eric sizes his chance.

“Everything. I want everything, okay? Please give me another chance…” Eric is very close to begging – scratch that, he _is_ begging – and the locker room is _so_ not the best place to talk about this, but he isn’t stopping now. “I’ll do whatever you want, just please say we can start over?”

Ryan just looks at him in silence, shock making way to weighing and considering, and Eric holds his breath.

“Is this just about Doyle?” Ryan asks.

“No, it’s not. But it’s part of it,” Eric says, figuring he might as well start with the truth.

Ryan nods, turning over Eric's answer in his head and seeming satisfied by it. Hope blossoms in Eric.

“You’ll meet my sister. And I want you to tell your parents at some point. And we _will_ tell Calleigh and Alexx.”

Eric just nods at everything he says – he is saying yes, he is SAYING YES!! – and Ryan takes a step closer to him.

“And if you _ever_ run out on me again, I swear you won’t ever see me again.”

“I won’t. I swear, I won’t,” Eric whispers, his heart thumping madly, and finally, finally Ryan smiles, that wonderful, private smile that is just for him – a smile he hasn’t seen in five months, and joy explodes in his chest.

They kiss.

Ryan laughs.

Life is perfect.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x11.

That morning, Ryan walks into the crime lab with a smile. A smile that has rarely left his face in the past week, since Eric and he got back together. He still isn’t sure how that came to pass – he is a little hazy on the details, and one day when they can both laugh about it he’ll ask Eric about it.

Not now though. It’s still too fresh and Ryan won’t take any chances. What matters is that they’re happy – God, he is incredibly happy. They’re both on a permanent high, it seems, and Ryan is realistic enough to know it won’t last forever – things are bound to settle down – so he plans on enjoying it now.

People are starting to notice too. After all, it’s not every day that Ryan Wolfe walks around with a big smile on his face and Alexx has already mentioned twice that he seemed to be in a good mood these days, a pleased look on her face. He didn’t contradict her. He was.

Thankfully, Eric isn’t walking around with a beatific expression on his face, so they’re not too conspicuous. Ryan knows though. Knows that he feels just the same way and that’s not wishful thinking. No, it’s in his eyes, and gestures, when no one is watching.

Which is good, Ryan figures, since he doesn’t want _all_ the lab to know.

Still, life is good. Things with Eric are better than ever and in-between rounds of make-up sex they’ve even managed to talk – a little. They’re _men_ after all, they’re not going to start talking about _feelings_ for the fun of it.

There is only one glitch on Ryan’s bright horizon, and it’s Doyle and his documentary that starts shooting today. Still, even that isn’t enough to dampen his good mood – which says a lot. He only hopes Eric will behave – he said he would, but the dangerous glint in his eyes told Ryan that Doyle better keep his distance. 

And so he is still smiling when he walks out of the locker room.

Unfortunately, that’s not going to last.

\---

First, Horatio is involved in a shooting at the court house and Sonia Barak vanishes into thin air. She’s their suspect, then a potential victim, and somewhere along the way Doyle shows up and Ryan finds a corpse in the trunk of a car.

At that point, he’s barely seen Eric since they left his apartment – and no, Ryan will _not_ let his mind wander back to what happened in the shower this morning, he is at _work_ – and they’re not even working the same case anymore. Which is good, because Doyle is getting a little out of hand with his enthusiasm and Ryan doesn’t want to think about what Eric would do were he were there. But Ryan can handle it.

He thinks.

It’s not too bad, after all. Really, he is getting the hang of it. And he is still in too good a mood to let it bother him.

“See? I told you’d like it,” Doyle says – teases – and Ryan just rolls his eyes, not bothering to contradict him. He might be in a good mood, but he isn’t enjoying himself. Everything would go a lot faster – and in all likelihood better – if Doyle just wasn’t there.

Then he screws up. Big time. And the whole thing is recorded for the posterity.

It does have the benefit of getting Doyle out of his face but what is he going to _do_? He just screwed up the case! What if the killer walks free? What…

What is Eric going to think?

While he is quietly freaking out and the entire lab knows about it – hell, the whole Mayor’s Office probably knows too by now – he locks himself in a bathroom and just concentrates on breathing.

When he comes back out, he ignores the way they’re all looking at him and finds Calleigh. He has a case to fix.

\---

In the end, Rivera does go to jail but not for the murder he committed. Ryan tries to tell himself it doesn’t matter, that it’s the same in the end, but it’s not and it’s his fault. There is nothing he can do about it except learn to live with it. Gabriel Cervantes’s case will remain unsolved.

He goes home and collapses on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Minutes pass.

Then there is a key turning in the lock of his front door and footsteps coming towards him. He doesn’t even have to look to know it’s Eric. He should have realized he had never gotten his key back all those months ago.

The bed dips next to him and he breaks his silent contemplation of the paint above him to glance at the other man.

“You heard?” he asks tonelessly and Eric nods.

Ryan closes his eyes and sighs. Eric’s hand is on his shoulder.

“It happens, Ryan. Don’t beat yourself over it.”

Ryan’s eyes fly open at Eric’s words, their gentleness, and he doesn’t want that. Something inside him breaks and all the anger he didn’t even know he had comes forth.

“It happens? It _happens_? Well it shouldn’t!” he says, jumping to his feet and shrugging off Eric’s hand. “I almost let a murderer go free! I destroyed evidence! And for what? So that it would look better on TV!”

“You didn’t do it on purpose,” Eric tries to placate him, “You didn’t know…”

“Of course I didn’t! And why the hell didn’t I know that? I just… I can’t… Fuck!”

Ryan sits down heavily and buries his head in his hands. That’s a question that has been plaguing him all afternoon. _Why_ hadn’t he known? Sure, his training was slightly unconventional. He went to the classes, yes – and for the life of him he can’t remember them ever mentioning that too much Luminol destroys DNA, God knows he’s been raking his brain over this – but it had been theoretical. Once he had started working at the lab… Well, he kind of learned as he went. And now they’re all paying for that mistake. It’s just not fair that a little girl should have to pay too.

Eric’s hands are back on his shoulders as he kneels behind him on the bed.

“Ryan… Come on Wolfe, the man is in jail.”

“Yeah, well, no thanks to me.”

“Maybe not. Maybe you did screw up. But he _is_ and that’s all that matters, okay?”

Ryan doesn’t answer. He knows Eric is trying to make him feel better but it’s not working very well. At this point, he isn’t sure anything will.

“Anyway, it’s Doyle’s fault,” Eric huffs and Ryan can’t stop a weak chuckle from escaping his lips. Clearly, he was wrong. Eric is so predictable. And it would be so easy to blame it all on Doyle – if he hadn’t been there, none of this would have happened! – but he still should have known better.

“Come here,” Eric whispers, interrupting his self-recriminations. His hands move from Ryan’s shoulders to wrap around his chest and Ryan slumps against him, Eric welcoming the weight. “You can’t let it drag you down. You have to go back to the lab tomorrow, and do your job. It won’t work if you keep questioning yourself. You’re a good CSI Ryan, you know that.”

Ryan doesn’t answer and Eric tightens his hold on him. “You _are_.”

Ryan finally sighs and turns his head half-way for a kiss. Eric is more than happy to oblige.

“Thanks,” Ryan says when they break apart.

“No problem. Dinner?”

“Sure.”

And life goes on, as it always does.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x12.

Ryan wakes up gradually, instinctively reaching over for Eric – and how quickly he got back into that habit is frightening. Eric, however, isn’t in bed, Ryan realizes at the same moment his sleepy brain processes the sound of running water.

Opening his eyes, Ryan looks in the general direction of the bedside table and the clock on it, with its alarm not going off yet. He still has time, he sees, but Eric hasn’t, not if he wants to go by his apartment before shift. Which he needs to do, considering he has been ‘sleeping over’ for the past week, and is running very low on clean underwear. So is Ryan, for that matter, since Eric’s presence isn’t conductive to doing laundry.

Yawning, Ryan debates internally between going back to sleep – Eric does have the tendency of wearing him out – and joining Eric in the shower. It doesn’t take him long to reach a decision, and he pads towards the bathroom. His efforts – if you could call them that – are not rewarded, however, since Eric is getting out when he steps in. Eric, who is only wearing a towel and has droplets of water running down his chest… 

Suddenly, sleep is the last thing on Ryan’s mind.

“Good morning,” Eric says with a grin as he towels his hair. Ryan watches, strangely fascinated by the way it clings to his forehead and sticks out at odd angles on his head. He can’t quite resist the appeal and runs a hand through it, messing it up further and derailing Eric from his task.

“Morning,” Ryan answers belatedly and gets a kiss as a reward.

“What are you doing up so early?” Eric asks as he makes his way towards the bedroom – and his clothes.

“Thought I would join you. It seems I’m too late though…” Ryan trails off and no, he isn’t pouting.

Eric, for his part, looks chagrined – and almost dressed, damn it. “I’ve got to swing by my place before going to the lab.”

“I know, I know,” Ryan grumbles.

And really, they need to start talking about keeping more clothes at each other’s place. It is _so_ much more convenient.

Eric walks up to him and kisses him thoroughly in apology, leaving him slightly dazed and definitely in the mood for something more. Eric is smirking as he pulls away, fully aware of the effect he is having on Ryan. That bastard.

“See you later?” Eric asks, and Ryan is pleased to hear he doesn’t sound as unaffected as he appears to be.

“Like you’ve got the choice.”

“Like I would want any.”

Eric kisses him again, a short and sweet kiss that is regretful.

Right.

He’ll do his laundry now, Ryan decides. That should take his mind off… things.

\---

Eight hours later, Ryan has decided that, as a rule, days should never start well. Because when they do, everything goes to hell soon after.

First there is Natalia’s ex-husband who is lurking around the lab again. And while Natalia still isn’t his favourite person in the whole world – and no, this has nothing to do with Eric – they’ve reached some sort of unspoken truce that allows them to work well together. Nick is a bastard anyway and the less Ryan sees of him, the better.

So when he catches sight of Nick strutting around the lab like he owns the place, he is more than ready to ask him to leave himself – and praying he won’t walk into Eric first. No such luck, however. There is Eric, standing right in front of Nick. Ryan can’t hear what they’re saying so he keeps watch, ready to step in if things look like they’re about to get out of hands. He knows Eric will probably not thank him for it. Then again, he isn’t about to let him do something stupid.

It seems his concerns are warranted when Eric pushes Nick away from him and gets punched in return. 

Okay, now is definitely his cue to intervene. 

Eric manages to throw a couple of punches back before Ryan bodily pulls him away from the other man. He knows the look on Eric’s face, knows he is only waiting to get back into the fight – and Nick is asking for it too – so he keeps a hand firmly on his lover’s chest and tries to catch his eyes to convey with more than words that he needs to calm down. Now.

Eric, however, keeps his gaze firmly on Nick, challenging. No help there.

“Eric.” Ryan says warningly before turning back towards Nick and telling him to get lost. 

They both watch him walk away until Ryan turns his attention back towards Eric, who is still seething.

“Hey,” he leans against Eric slightly and when that doesn’t get an answer, he rolls his eyes and jabs his elbow in his ribs. “Hey!”

That gets Eric’s attention and he is glaring at _him_ now!

“Stop that. You’re not mad at me, remember?”

That seems to reach Eric, who sighs and rubs both hands over his face, wincing slightly when the now raw skin on his knuckles is stretched painfully.

It’s Ryan’s turn to sigh. “Come on, let’s get you something for your hand.”

For once, Eric doesn’t argue and trails behind him towards the locker room. Ryan has learned long ago to keep a first aid kit in his locker and he fishes for disinfectant while Eric sits sullenly on the bench.

“So what?” Eric asks when Ryan emerges with his prize. “You’re going to tell me I shouldn’t have hit him?”

Ryan snorts – and dabs the raw flesh with more force than strictly necessary. “I’m not your mother.”

Eric mumbles something indistinct at that, and Ryan’s eyes narrow. He is about to ask him to repeat himself when the ringing of his cell phone distracts him, saving Eric in the process.

It’s Horatio, asking him to check their crime scene again, and Ryan tells him he’ll go right away. Sighing, he hangs up and hands the disinfectant over to Eric.

“Got to go,” he says, and heads towards the door. “Don’t do anything stupid, okay?” he adds jokingly as he reaches it. “And get some ice for your hand.”

He is quite pleased with himself when Eric smiles back. And decides to benignly ignore the “yes mom” he hears mumbled under Eric’s breath.

\---

Then things get even more crazy. Nick is murdered, Natalia gets arrested, and Valera confesses to the same murder. C.R.A.Z.Y.

To make matters worse, Ryan can’t help thinking that any minute now Eric is going to show up on Jake’s list of viable suspects – that fight must be all over the lab by now and given his history with Natalia, it really is a wonder he hasn’t been brought in yet.

Especially when Alexx comes up to him with DNA from a fight bite on Nick’s knuckles and how great is that? Because not only did they fight, but Eric also threatened him to take it outside. And all the lab heard it. And really, it’s stupid because Eric had nothing to do with Nick’s death. 

Thoughts of Rio and Riaz flash briefly through his mind, but Ryan shuts them out before he can dwell more on them. There is no need for that. Eric didn’t do anything.

As a CSI though, Ryan knows it looks bad. And if the DNA _is_ Eric…

He has to stop himself from grabbing the swab and locking himself in the DNA lab to analyze the sample himself. But he can’t do that. He can’t even touch it, because one way or another it will cast a doubt on the results. He is in love with the man, for Heaven’s sake! Not exactly what you’d call an impartial investigator.

So he calls H, because H will know what to do.

Then he calls Eric. Nothing wrong in giving him a head’s up.

“It’s me,” he says tersely when Eric picks up. “How is your hand?”

After not working the scene of Nick’s murder, Eric ran into H who took one look at his hand and sent him home. Truth be told, Ryan thinks it’s for the best – Eric’s hand didn’t look too good the last time he saw it – though he isn’t about to tell Eric that, since his lover is definitely not pleased at being stuck at home.

Predictably, Eric mumbles something about how ‘fine’ it is and Ryan rolls his eyes.

“Just wanted to let you know you might get company soon,” Ryan says as casually as he can considering he is standing right in the middle of the lab and this could – technically – be considered a felony. “They’ve got DNA from Nick’s knuckles and with your fight… Well, Berkeley will probably want to talk to you. They’re running it right now.”

Because if Eric is at Ryan’s place, the last thing they need is Berkeley sending patrol to pick him up at his own apartment and find it empty. That would make matters look a lot worse. And no, Ryan isn’t over-worrying about the whole thing. But Jake is on a witch-hunt, and Ryan doesn’t trust him one bit.

When the results bip on the screen, Ryan squints through the glass to get a clear view. And sighs with relief when the new search starts running, through CODIS this time.

Given everything that has happened, this shouldn’t clear Eric – they did get into that fight – but given the way Berkeley is conducting his investigation, Ryan isn’t too worried. 

“You’re in the clear,” he informs Eric and hangs up.

And goes back to work. They’ve still got a case to clear.

\---

When the day finally ends, they solve both their cases and none of them get arrested. Which wasn’t a given only an hour ago.

Eric is waiting for him at the door when he gets home and it’s Ryan who kisses him this time, letting his weariness show. Definitely not one of his best days ever.

“That was really stupid, you know,” he sighs against Eric’s lips when he pulls away. “Next time, please try not to punch our next murder victim. That kind of puts a dent in my day.”

“Sure. I can do that,” Eric chuckles.

Ryan mock-glares at him. Eric has never been one to put much thought in the consequences of his acts. But that’s alright. Ryan has gotten used to it and besides, he usually does the thinking for Eric anyway.

They balance each other, and in the end it works just fine for them both.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x13, and we're back to Eric's POV!

“Shit!” Eric swears, making Ryan look up from his cup of coffee. Eric is getting ready for court, his shirt still untucked and hanging half-open on his chest as he rummages through the clothes he brought over to Ryan’s place.

“What?”

“I can’t find my tie!” Eric grumbles, exasperated. He can’t go to court without a tie!

The frustration in his tone gets Ryan moving and opening his closet.

“Here, pick one,” he says, volunteering his ties, though it’s not like he has that many of them in the first place since he only wears them to court – or funerals.

Eric gives him a quick smile and a silent ‘thank you’ as he moves past Ryan to study his options. One makes him smile. It’s fairly ugly: blue with white patterns that look like flowers, a yellow and red trim zigzagging through it.

Holding it up to Ryan, he raises an eyebrow at him. “Where did you get this one?”

Ryan rolls his eyes. “Why? You want one for yourself?”

A predatory look settles on Eric’s face as he advances on Ryan, backing him up against the wall. 

“Come on, tell me,” he cajoles, running the tie over his lover’s jaw until Ryan laughs and pushes him away, going back to his coffee.

“Fine, it was a present from my niece, alright? I couldn’t just throw it away.”

Eric twirls the tie around. “I have a couple of those myself.”

He moves to stand in front of the mirror and ties a careful knot before turning back towards Ryan, who inspects him – and the tie – with an amused smile.

“Cute, Eric. Very cute.” Ryan kisses him, a light hand over his chest smoothing the wrinkles away.

“Thanks, I like it.”

Ryan just snorts at that.

\---

Court goes fine and he stops by the lab on his way back to show off his prize to Ryan one last time before taking it off. The thought warms him and he is still smiling as he makes his way through the hallways. Unfortunately, it turns out that Ryan is out in the field and Eric quashes the disappointment rising inside him. 

To compensate, he does Calleigh a favour and gets himself into a whole lot of trouble.

 

It starts simply enough. A woman getting beat up isn’t something Eric is willing to ignore.  
And so he finds himself back at work, having to file a report and deciding it can wait. He goes looking for Ryan instead, the tie still in his pocket, silky against his fingers.

He finds Ryan in an interrogation room and watches until he steps out. Ryan does a double-take when he sees Eric – because of his presence or the cut on his forehead, Eric can’t tell.

“What happened to you?” Ryan asks with concern, checking him over discreetly to make sure he is alright.

“Got in the middle of a conjugal dispute.”

Having ascertained that Eric doesn’t have any hidden injuries, Ryan finally allows himself to smile. Eric and his knight-in-shining-armour complex… Then again, Ryan would have done the exact same thing, so he can’t tease – much.

“Only you…” he shakes his head, before holding up the file in his hand with regret. “Listen, I’ve got to find H. I got a lead on our case. Talk to you later?”

“Sure. I’m going home as soon as I’m done writing my report.”

 

Except he doesn’t. Because he gets served, and he can’t believe the nerve of that guy! Suing him for $250,000 because Eric stopped him from beating his wife? What kind of justice is that? Eric is fuming, and he isn’t about to just let it happen.

To make matters worse, the bartender and the wife won’t back him up and on his way back to the crime lab...

“Officer down, I repeat, officer down!” Ryan’s voice is screaming on the emergency radio frequency and Eric’s heart stops. Before starting up again, way too fast. He parks his car before he gets into an accident and waits with bated breath for the next bit of news. Dispatch is already sending paramedics to the scene, and finally, _finally_ Ryan is on again, calmer this time, listing casualties. And all Eric can think is that Ryan is alright. Ryan is alright, and that’s all that matters right now. Jesus, he fucking _hates_ snipers. For a second there he thought…

But no. Ryan is _fine_. Now he just wants to see that for himself.

 

Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen until later because that’s when Henney decides to turn up dead. Eric is sorely tempted to tell his wife to go screw herself, because he has more important things to deal with right now – Ryan could have been shot, damn it! – but in the end he does what he always does: his job.

\---

When he finally gets a hold of Ryan – who looks fine, because he _is_ – Eric hauls him into the first empty room that actually has walls and crushes him to his chest. Ryan doesn’t complain, holding on just as tightly, until Eric pushes him back to look at him closely.

“You okay?”

Ryan looks confused for a second, like he doesn’t know what Eric is talking about, until realization dawns and he nods. “Yeah, I’m fine. What about you? I heard you've got some problems.”

“Yeah, civil suit. The man is dead but his wife isn’t dropping it.”

Ryan’s eyes narrow dangerously. “Is she nuts? You helped her!”

“Hey, don’t worry about it, okay? Just… don’t get yourself shot running around town looking for that sniper.”

Ryan softens, his anger put aside for the time being. “Count on it,” he says and, deciding to ignore the fact that they’re at work, kisses him. 

It makes them both feel a lot better.

\---

The one good thing in all this mess is that they end up finding the sniper through Eric’s ‘case’.

He nods in Ryan’s direction when he and H get back to the lab, the shooter dead, and he knows what he has to do.

He can’t risk his case going to trial because that would mean getting Ryan involved, and Ryan is too important for him to let it happen. He won’t do that to him. He won’t let that bitch use Ryan against him. So he calls his lawyer and tells him to make a deal.

\---

When he gets home – and Ryan’s apartment has become home in the three months they’ve been back together – Ryan is sprawled on the couch, waiting for him.

“Not one of our best days, was it?” Eric sighs as he lowers himself next to him, their shoulders and thighs pressing together.

Ryan gives a short laugh. “No, not exactly. How is your case going?”

“I settled. She’ll get 20% of my salary every month,” Eric says tiredly.

Ryan sits up jerkily, staring at him, and Eric misses the warmth of his body next to his.

“Why?”

Eric just looks at him, and Ryan knows. Silence settles between them. 

“You know…” Ryan starts hesitantly. “You could move in here – that way, you wouldn’t have to pay rent. I mean, you spend most of your time here anyway…” he finishes in a rush as if he expects Eric to shoot down his proposition before he has time to lay it down properly.

Eric doesn’t. He settles back against Ryan and wraps an arm around him. 

“Why don’t we talk about it tomorrow?” he says, because he wants to say yes, he does, but he wants to do it for the right reasons.

And he will.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x14.

Ryan stops the car in front of his sister’s house and turns to look at Eric, who seems to be slightly nervous.

“Ready?” Ryan asks with a smirk, because really it’s all Eric’s fault that they’re here in the first place. Eric answered Ryan’s phone and it turned out to be Ryan’s sister, who ordered them both to her house on their next day off. Eric, who has enough sisters of his own to know _not_ to argue, meekly said ‘yes’. And there they are.

“Your sister hates me, doesn’t she?” Eric asks in a somewhat resigned voice.

Ryan’s smile vanishes. “No she doesn’t. You might not be her favourite person in the whole world but she’ll get over it.”

“Right.”

Eric sounds so despondent Ryan gives him a quick kiss because stepping out of the car. “Honestly, she’s not that bad. And I promise I won’t let her hurt you.”

Eric snorts at that, but at least he gets out of the car. They have only taken a couple of steps towards the house when a blur of pink pounces on Ryan with a shriek.

“Uncle Ryan! You’re here!”

Ryan lifts his niece in his arms with a grin. “Yes, I’m here. Why, were you waiting for me?”

“Uh huh,” she nods vigorously and turns her attention towards Eric, looking at him quizzically. “Who are you?”

“Maggie, this is Eric,” Ryan says with some trepidation – it’s not like he’s ever introduced anyone to his nieces before, and that’s… a little sad. “Eric is my… friend.”

“Hi Maggie.” Eric smiles. “You’re a big girl! How old are you?”

“I’m six,” she says, proudly holding six fingers up. “How old are _you_?”

“I’m 31,” Eric answers, tension easing slowly out of his frame.

Maggie seems to consider that answer before stating decisively. “That’s old. How old are you, Uncle Ryan?”

“I’m…” Ryan pretends to have to think about it, “…29.”

“That’s old too.”

Ryan laughs and a quick glance at Eric tells him he’s now relaxed – and Maggie will probably have him wrapped around her little finger very soon. 

Their conversation has led them inside the house and Jenny is there. Ryan shoots her a warning look as he kisses her on the cheek. As if he thinks that’s actually going to change anything.

“Mommy, Mommy! Eric is Ryan’s friend and they were _kissing_!” Maggie says excitedly in a rush and Ryan groans. Of course, she would have to have seen that.

“Really, sweetie? They were?” Jennie asks evilly and Eric tries to make himself disappear in the wall paper.

“Uh huh. And they are really, really old. Are you old too? And Daddy?”

Thankfully, Andrew, Jenny’s husband, picks that moment to step in and brings some sanity back into the conversation.

“Hey, Ryan. Did you make good time on the road?”

“Yeah, thanks. So… this is Eric,” Ryan gestures towards Eric, who valiantly takes a step forward to shake hands with Andrew. “Andrew, my brother-in-law. Jenny, my sister.”

Jenny and Eric study each other, gauging and weighing. That’s probably what Eric was dreading, and Ryan can understand – just the thought of meeting Eric’s family makes him fidgety and a bit nauseous. And Jenny has extra ammunition on Eric, having seen Ryan at his lowest because of him. Then again, if Ryan can forgive him, she’ll have to. And she did promise to behave.

Finally, _finally_ Jenny extends a hand towards Eric, and if it isn’t much, it’s at least something. 

\---

Lunch goes relatively well. Melissa and Maggie bombard Eric with questions while Ryan and Andrew throw meaningful glances at Jenny who ignores them both completely. She manages to corner Eric in the kitchen at one point, but since there is no screaming or breaking dishes, Ryan figures he doesn’t have to intervene. 

In fact, that particular discussion goes like this:

“Is this when you tell me that if I ever hurt Ryan again they will never find my body?” Eric tries for levity and fails miserably. 

There is a wicked gleam in Jenny’s eyes that doesn’t improve Eric’s confidence but he is a CSI and he stands his ground. 

“It’s not. But now that you mention it…”

Eric gives a startled laugh at that and Jenny smiles back before turning serious again.

“No, now is when I tell you that my baby brother loves you despite what you did to him…”

“I love him too,” Eric whispers sincerely and she nods approvingly. 

“I know, and that’s good enough for me. Oh, and Eric?” she adds as he is about to leave the room, “Don’t hurt him again.”

\---

The next day they’re back at work, and Ryan is still feeling rather pleased with how well it went. Jenny even offered a kiss to Eric as they were leaving, and he figures Eric really is part of his family now. It’s both elating and terrifying but Ryan is used to juggling with those emotions where Eric is concerned.

So he gives Eric a wide smile when they cross paths, Ryan on his way in and Eric on his way out to a scene with Calleigh.

His good mood, however, doesn’t last. Eric’s scene, it turns out, involves two dead cops and that’s always a blow for the Police Department.

Ryan gives up pretending to be working on the cold case in front of him and watches Eric and H as they get a lead and later a suspect. That’s good, that’s very good, he thinks when they book their suspect. 

“You got the guy?” he asks Eric softly as he drops in a chair next to him.

“Yeah. Cousin to – remember Clavo Cruz?”

Ryan thinks for a moment. “I think I do. That was… two years ago, right? He had diplomatic immunity, but Horatio got him anyway?”

“That’s the guy. H thinks he might be up to something.”

Ryan shakes his head. “They never know when to give up, do they?”

Eric snorts. “Nope.”

Ryan’s cell beeps then and he glances at it. “Fuck,” he mutters.

“What?”

“Got a case,” he says, standing up. “Kid found dead in his front yard.”

Ryan hates those cases and Eric winces in sympathy, giving his shoulder a quick squeeze of support. “Call me?” he says, and Ryan nods. He’ll need it.

\---

He is taking pictures when Calleigh shows up, trying hard to pretend everything is fine and that the kid isn’t barely older than Maggie.

Still, he does his job and those are the times he really doesn’t like it.

\---

They’re almost back to the lab from talking to the boy’s father when they hear about the attack on the courthouse.

“Alexx was testifying today!” Calleigh gasps and Ryan’s hands tighten on the wheel. Could this day get any worse?

“Call her!” he says – more like orders, but Calleigh is already dialing.

“Come on, come on,” she mutters. “She’s not answering her phone!”

“Keep trying. I’m calling Eric, he might know something.” Ryan is close to panicking and not thinking straight – he’ll think later it would have been more efficient to call H – because dispatch said casualties and he’s got to know. When Eric finally picks up, Ryan is only one step from turning around and speeding towards the courthouse to see for himself.

“Eric!” He almost yells when he answers. “We heard about the courthouse. Is Alexx alright?”

“Ryan, breathe,” Eric orders, and Ryan takes in a gulp of air. “Alexx is fine. You hear me? She’s fine.”

“Alexx is okay,” he relays to Calleigh, who exhales sharply in relief. “What happened?”

“It was Clavo,” Eric says, “H was right, he escaped.”

“Fuck. But Alexx is okay?”

“Yeah. She’s got some cuts but she’s fine. They’ll bring her to the hospital to check her out.”

“Good, that’s good. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Count on it.”

“And Eric? Thanks,” Ryan says, because he knows he was close to freaking out earlier and he isn’t always the most fun when he is.

“Don’t mention it.”

He disconnects the call, hearing Eric’s smile in his head and turns back towards Calleigh, explaining what happened with Clavo. If she found his one-sided conversation weird, she doesn’t say anything.

\---

He drops Calleigh off at the lab, grabs what he needs – along with a much-needed kiss stolen in an empty corridor – and goes back to the Tavarez house with Natalia.

When he finds out what really happened, it’s as sad and tragic as he had thought it would be, and he has to resist the urge to call his sister right away and make her lecture Melissa and Maggie about the dangers of guns.

He brings Ben back to the lab and takes his statement before talking to the DA to make sure everything will go as smoothly as possible for Ben and his family. Then he finds himself at a loss of what to do, and decides to go see Alexx, make sure she’s fine.

A quick call tells him which hospital they took her to and he stops by Trace to ask Eric if he wants to come with him. Eric, however, is still in the middle of something and has to rush out when H calls him.

Oh well. He’ll catch up with him later.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x15, and angsty - the episode's fault! :)

Ryan gets side-tracked on his way out of the lab by a woman from Social Services who wants to talk about the Tavarez case. He complies, because it was an accident, a stupid, tragic accident and he thinks those kids should stay together. Alexx will understand.

They’re about done when the lab erupts in a fury of activity, people pooling together and talking nervously, worried looks on their faces. Ryan excuses himself and goes to find out what the fuss is all about.

The words ‘shoot-out’ and ‘Delko’ and ‘hurt’ somehow make it into his brain, and he takes off running because Eric has been hurt and he’s got to find out what happened. He drives off in a screech of wheels, listening intently to what dispatch is saying about the shooting. Paramedics are at the scene and they’re taking Eric to General Hospital, and his heart isn’t beating.

Ryan’s heart stops.

The rest of the ride to the hospital is a blur, ‘this isn’t happening’ a broken mantra playing over and over again in his head, because this isn’t happening! He is numb, and suddenly he is there and so is Calleigh, and he’s got to have some answers _now_ because God, they said Eric was _dead_ and he can’t be because Ryan would know if he was. Wouldn’t he?

Whey they do get a straight answer it’s not a good one and Eric just can’t die on him, not now, not ever. So why does everyone seem to think he will?

Finally, _finally_ H is there and telling them Eric is breathing again and in surgery, and Ryan feels so light-headed with relief he barely hears H explaining what happened. He doesn’t care right now – all that matters is that Eric’s heart is beating again, and therefore so is Ryan’s.

\---

It seems like Eric is in surgery forever. They wait, the four of them, and Ryan knows he probably isn’t handling this very well, pacing back and forth in the waiting room, because H keeps shooting worried glances in his direction. Calleigh and Alexx are too caught up in their own misery, huddled together on a couple of plastic chairs, to notice anything strange and Ryan spares a second to be grateful for that – now isn’t the time for revelations.

And he is angry. Oh, he is so angry, and he welcomes it because that’s probably the only thing that’s making him go on right now and not crumble and cry. He is angry at the man who shot Eric, angry at Clavo for escaping and making his day a living hell. And he is angry at himself for not being there, angry at H for not doing more, hell he is even angry at Eric for getting shot in the first place. He knows it isn’t rational but he can’t stop it.

His pacing finally gets on H’s nerves, or his boss thinks he’s got to be supportive, because H takes a step forward and Ryan almost crashes into him. And now really isn’t the time for them to talk or whatever H has in mind, because Ryan wants to scream and he wants to hit something. Horatio, however, isn’t easily deterred. And that answers Ryan’s question as to whether H knew he and Eric had gotten back together.

“How are you doing?” H asks quietly, and that’s the most stupid question Ryan’s ever heard.

Part of his thoughts must show on his face because Horatio has the good grace to look chastised.

“I called Eric’s parents, they’re on their way,” he goes on, and now Ryan just wants to cry or laugh or both at once and that’s not normal, is it? He stares down at his feet, getting his reeling emotions back under control before looking back up at his boss.

“They don’t know. Eric hasn’t told them yet.”

The sympathy in Horatio’s eyes is more than Ryan can stand and he just wants to be left alone. And he wants the doctor to come back and tell them Eric is going to be fine. Please… is that too much to ask for?

“You should stay here with Eric. We’ll handle the case,” H says decisively.

“No way!” Ryan hisses, trying to keep his voice low so as not to make a spectacle of this. “I’m working that case.”

“Ryan… you shouldn’t…”

“You’re one to talk.”

H goes very still and Ryan shuts his mouth with a click. It’s a low blow, he knows, but he _is_ working the case. He’s got to do _something_.

Their furious whispers have attracted the girls’ attention and Horatio admits defeat, going back to his seat.

Ryan collapses in a chair, cradling his head in his hands, and waits.

\---

It’s another hour before the doctor shows up, and Ryan thinks that maybe he should call his sister because he is going crazy in here. And they might have mentioned Eric on the news – he should let her know he is okay. Except he isn’t okay, is he?

They all stand up when the doctor comes in, gathering around him, and Ryan hangs back a little, letting Alexx ask the medical questions. All he hears is ‘critical’ and ‘coma’ and ‘potential brain damage, no way to know for sure ‘til he wakes up’. If he wakes up. From the grim faces of those holding a MD, Ryan figures Eric isn’t out of the woods yet. 

But he is holding on, and Ryan dismisses the rest for now.

\---

When he finally gets to see Eric, he can’t make himself move too close to the bed. He just leans back against the wall and stares, because Eric is so _still_ and that’s so alien that Ryan thinks he might be dead. But he isn’t. He isn’t and he’s going to be fine. That’s what he’s got to keep telling himself otherwise he is going to fall apart and he can’t allow that. Not right now. Because they’ve got to catch the man who did this, the one responsible, and make sure he _pays_. 

So Ryan swallows back his tears and just looks at Eric, at the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes and lives. He’s only got five minutes and he doesn’t want to waste a second of it because this might be the last time… No. He isn’t going to think like that. Except Eric could _die_ and that’s almost enough to make him storm out of the room because if Eric is going to die – and he won’t, damn it, he isn’t allowed – then he doesn’t want his last memory of him to be like this, lying unmoving on a hospital bed. He wants to remember that morning, when Eric had gotten up before him because he had to get in early and left a mug of coffee for him on the bedside table along with a kiss on his lips before leaving. That memory sends a fresh bout of tears to his eyes and Ryan squeezes them shut, only to snap them open again from fear that Eric might vanish otherwise.

Finally, he gathers his courage and takes the two steps that separate him from the bed. He hesitates a second, his eyes drawn to the dressing on Eric’s head before he forces them away and sits down. His hand blindly seeks Eric's hand, careful not to disturb the IV, and he leans forward, pressing his forehead lightly against Eric’s shoulder. He breathes, in and out, in cadence with Eric and their heartbeats synchronize. He can almost pretend there is nothing out of the ordinary with that scene; the two of them in bed, except it smells all wrong, sterile and antiseptic, and the steady beating of the monitor won’t let him forget they’re not home.

“You’re going to be fine, you hear me?” he whispers. “You’re not allowed to die on me. I won’t let you.”

Eric doesn’t miraculously wake up and Ryan sighs – a miracle would have been nice. His five minutes are long over and Calleigh is waiting for her turn so he should probably go, except he can’t quite bring himself to move now that he is here. Finally, he forces himself up.

“I’ll see you later, okay?” 

And with a last squeeze of Eric’s hand, he leaves the room.

\---

H is waiting for him outside but doesn’t say anything, and Ryan is grateful for that small mercy. The anger has left, for now, and he wants it back because all he is feeling right now is pain. The sudden emptiness has left him at a loss of what to do and he needs something, needs to keep himself occupied so that he won’t think about Eric lying there.

Thankfully, Calleigh joins them and they’ve got a job to do.

\---

Working the scene is much harder than he thought it would be. He is careful not to get too close to the pool of blood – Eric’s blood – darkening the asphalt. Instead, he focuses on the evidence, and finds a potential suspect.

Who turns out not to be their guy.

And so it’s back to the crime scene. And another suspect.

Ryan is so sure they’ve got the right guy this time and he is so angry, because the guy is being a smart ass, as if Eric almost dying is no big deal and he doesn’t even care, but Ryan does care, oh, he cares very much. And he thinks he finally understands what had been going through Eric’s head when his sister got shot. The need for revenge, the need to do something otherwise there is just the grief and you can’t deal. 

But this guy may not be the one. Ryan knows he can’t trust himself in this situation, can’t trust his instincts, because he is definitely not clear-headed, not objective. And so he needs proof. Solid proof. Which they don’t have.

 

As he waits for an update from Calleigh on Eric’s condition – he’s already called the hospital five times and so he figures he’ll stop annoying the nurses and wait for her call – he really hopes she’s got something because so far they’ve got too many possibilities and no certainties, and Ryan is growing frustrated fast. He also doesn’t like that he’s stuck here while Calleigh got to go and see Eric, but she jumped on the opportunity and he really can’t blame her. She doesn’t know better.

He paces back and forth, waiting for Calleigh to call him back. When she finally does, the tremor in her voice makes him fear the worse and he almost hangs up – he doesn’t want to hear it.

“They updated his condition from critical to stable and he is awake,” she says and Ryan has to sit down because Eric is going to be okay. He is going to be fine. But there is still a catch in Calleigh’s voice. “God, Ryan, he doesn’t remember that his sister is dead.”

Ryan freezes. Memory loss. Just that isolated event or more? How far back? Does he remember them dating the first time? Are they just colleagues in his head? Or worse, are they still hating each other’s guts? Does Eric even know who Ryan is? 

“What else doesn’t he remember?” he asks with a voice that trembles just a little.

“They don’t know yet, they’re running tests. Wait, his parents are here, I’ve got to talk to them – I’ll be back to the lab soon.”

She hangs up and Ryan is left once again reeling. He tries to focus on the important part – Eric is going to be fine! – but the rest keeps intruding. Why this? Why now? When they’re finally getting this right? It’s just not fair.

He wants to go to the hospital, find out for himself, but after all that’s happened today, he just wants a little break. He wants reassurance and he doesn’t think he could take it if Eric treated him like a stranger. And his parents are here now, it’s not like he is alone.

And they still have the shooter to catch.

Which they do. The guy is right there and he shot _Eric_ and the rage that wells up inside him when the GSR test turns positive is nothing like Ryan’s ever experienced. 

“You shot my friend,” he says, almost disbelievingly. It’s like being in a haze, or under water, and all he knows is that he wants to hurt him – and he probably would have if he hadn’t been restrained. Because the man is acting like he didn’t do anything, and Ryan knows he did. Oh, he knows. Then anger joins the mix, not the kind that flares up red and hot but the kind that leaves him focused and clear-headed as he dismisses the guy’s pathetic excuses.

“You put a bullet in my partner’s brain. I don’t give a damn about your car.”

There is no satisfaction, no self-righteousness when they lead him away. They got him, it’s over. But he just feels empty. To this man, Eric’s life is worth $100 000. He feels sick.

\---

Despite the fact that the shooter is now behind bars, Ryan doesn’t go back to the hospital. He can’t bring himself to face Eric. Maybe he is being selfish, or maybe he is just being a coward. But right now, it feels like he is waiting for the final diagnosis on a terminal disease. 

So he immerses himself trying to find a clue on Clavo’s whereabouts. Clavo is just as responsible for Eric’s condition as the security guard, after all. He is just making excuses to delay the inevitable, he knows. And if he catches H looking at him with pity in his eyes, he pretends he doesn’t see it. 

But then, he does find something in Natalia’s file on that woman from the jewellery store, and they end up in the middle of a trafficking of blood diamonds. If he had any anger left in his body, he would probably be furious at the way she’s exploiting those kids, but there is only dismay, dismay and relief that they got them out.

At least he did something right today.

On his way back to the lab, he hears Clavo has been shot. He is dead, and now it’s really over. 

Ryan closes his eyes and just breathes as all the exhaustion and fears and doubts he’s been trying to keep at bay all day long wash over him.

It’s time to go back to the hospital.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x16.

This time around, the drive to the hospital seems way too short. He tries to delay – and maybe, just maybe, everything will turn out to be fine, right? – but in the end he gets out of his car, resigned to face the inevitable. It’s late, and the hospital is quiet. Visiting hours are long over but Ryan likes it better this way – flashing his badge should be enough to let him see Eric, if nothing else.

Predictably, the nurse in the ICU shoots him an evil look when he steps in, but softens minutely when he apologizes and asks about Eric. And Ryan could almost, _almost_ use the lateness of the hour as an excuse to leave, but he’s made up his mind now, and he needs to see Eric. With a little luck, he will be sleeping anyway.

Ryan braces himself before going in, wishing for more time to compose himself but the nurse is looking at him curiously and those curtains don’t do much for privacy.

So he steps in, and looks at Eric. He doesn’t seem much different than earlier today, and if Ryan didn’t know better, he’d say he was still in a coma. But then he takes a step forward, and Eric’s eyes open. Eric’s eyes are open, and looking straight at him.

Ryan freezes guiltily, as if he had just been caught doing something he shouldn’t be doing, and the two of them stare at each other for what feels like eternity to Ryan as he waits for _something_. Recognition, question, anything.

Then Eric’s lips twist in something that could definitely be a weak smile, if Ryan allowed himself to hope, and he extends a hand in Ryan’s direction.

Ryan looks at it dumbly for a split second before his brain kicks back into gear and he crosses the space that separates him from his lover, his own hand closing around Eric’s and holding on for dear life as relief so powerful it eclipses everything else surges inside him. Eric sighs contently and his eyes flutter shut again, the drugs pulling him back under, with no idea of how he’s just spun Ryan’s world back into orbit. 

It’s all happening so fast Ryan would think he actually dreamt it, wishful thinking brought to life by exhaustion, were it not for the weight of Eric’s hand inside his own.

And Ryan looks at him, thinking with a small smile – the first he’s allowed himself since the news of the shooting came – that Eric would probably tease him forever if he knew the extent of the worrying he’s been through – ‘how could you think I’d forget _you_?’, he would say and Ryan would shake his head and laugh with him.

\---

The next couple of weeks are spent between the lab and the hospital, dodging Eric’s family and visiting at hours he knows they’re not there. Eric is getting better, but now is not the time to introduce Ryan as their son’s lover.

Ryan’s cunning plan can’t last forever, of course, and he ends up stuck in Eric’s room with them on one notorious occasion. They’re nice enough, and polite, and Ryan would like them just fine, except he doesn’t see Eric that much, with the lab and all, and he is spending that precious time making small talk to people who think he is just one of their son’s coworkers – and are probably wondering why he isn’t leaving already.

It’s awkward, to say the least. And not the first impression Ryan had been hoping to make when they’d meet. But Eric seems to find it funny, and that’s something, at least.

\---

He takes the day off when Eric is released from the hospital and drives him home. His parents went home the day before, after much insistence from Eric, and Ryan isn’t quite sure how he managed that but he isn’t going to complain. He has Eric all to himself again – well, along with the rest of the team, who all come to check on Eric that first day home.

Alexx is, unsurprisingly, the first to stop by. She looks a bit surprised by Ryan’s presence but smiles approvingly – they all agree Eric shouldn’t alone right now, considering his memory is still playing tricks on him. It’s strange, really. Most of the time, he is his usual old self and it’s as if nothing had happened. But sometimes, just sometimes, he says or does something so out of place it gives everyone pause. It can be the simplest things too, like not remembering where he keeps tea bags when Alexx asks him. Then there is work – it had soon become obvious there were holes in Eric’s memory as far as science was concerned. Ryan knows it frustrates him, but the doctors say there is no way they can predict how it’ll evolve so they just wait.

Calleigh’s reaction to Ryan is more torn. Ryan knows she’s a little pissed because she wanted to help Eric get home and H ran interference, not giving her the day off. He doesn’t really blame her – after all, she’s known Eric twice as long as he has, if not longer, and she doesn’t know better.

A string of people continue to pop in all day long, until Ryan just wants to hide in the bedroom and not have to explain his presence with another weak ‘I had the day off so…’ Eric is growing tired too, Ryan can tell, though he is putting up a good front.

That’s when Horatio shows up. They make small talk for a while, until H asks Ryan if he wants more days off.

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Eric grouses, his jaw set stubbornly, before leaving the room in a huff, doors slamming behind him.

Well, at least that answers one of Ryan’s questions – Eric is going to be hell during his recovery.

\---

Days pass. Ryan alternates between the lab and Eric’s apartment, and Eric’s memory improves slowly. Too slowly though, in Eric’s opinion, because all he wants is to go back to work and he can’t until the doctors clear him. He is going crazy, spending all his days at home doing nothing, and that doesn’t help with his frustration. He grows irritable, and Ryan takes the brunt of it. They argue about almost everything, and it’s so stupid sometimes that Ryan wants to scream. Luckily, it’s not always like that – some days, Eric will have made progress in his therapy sessions and be like his old self, excited and optimist.

Ryan likes those days best, but doesn’t begrudge Eric the other kind – he isn’t sure he handled the prospect of losing his sight any better.

\---

Finally the day comes when Eric goes back to the lab. It’s been the source of so many fights lately that a small part of him – one that he will not acknowledge because he really isn’t proud of it – is a little relieved to see Eric go back to work. It’s not much at first; Eric’s got to relearn the basics, and even if he gets angry sometimes at having to be taught stuff he could do in his sleep before – Eric has never been the most patient of men – at least that occupies him. 

Then he is cleared to go back in the field, and Ryan is worried, because it’s too soon and Eric’s memory still isn’t up to par. He doesn’t _want_ Eric back in the field, because just look what happened last time! He knows it’s irrational, but he can’t quite help it. 

So he hovers. And when he meets Eric on his first crime scene, he can’t stop himself.

“You… um. You sure you’re ready?” he asks, words spilling from his mouth before he can stop them. It’s not a barb aimed at Eric’s abilities, and he hopes Eric will see that. He is just… worried.

“If I don’t do this now, we risk losing the evidence. Yeah, I’m ready.” Eric’s lips twist in what could be a sneer or a would-be reassuring smile, and Ryan isn’t convinced either way.

Still, he keeps his mouth shut. Eric is stubborn, and nothing he can say will make him change his mind now, especially considering they have an audience. 

 

Luckily, Horatio seems to share his reluctance at seeing Eric back in the field so soon and grounds him to the lab after that first foray outside. Ryan feels much better suddenly; the weird feeling in his chest vanishes, and he can breathe again.

Then he hears from Calleigh about what happened with the Phenolphthalein test. She is concerned, he can tell, and so is he. He just isn’t sure Eric will welcome his presence right now. But he’ll try his luck.

While Natalia runs the DNA from the rape kit on the mother, Ryan goes looking for him. He finds him in the locker room, getting ready to go home, and the way his shoulders hunch makes Ryan’s heart hurt. He had expected anger but there is just defeat, and that’s far worse.

“Hey,” he says softly, putting a hand on Eric’s shoulder. He can feel the hard muscle tense under him and he steels himself for rejection but Eric – to his relief – doesn’t shrug him off.

“You were right, I shouldn’t have gone back to work. It's too early,” Eric says, and his voice sounds resigned and dead.

Ryan closes his eyes. He should have known his words would come back and bite him in the ass. He takes a step forward and his hand on Eric’s shoulder slides down to his chest as his arm comes up to wrap itself around Eric’s body. They stand like this, back to chest, until finally Eric relaxes and leans back.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Right,” Eric snorts, and tries to free himself from the embrace but Ryan won’t let him.

“No, you listen to me. We’re not perfect and we make mistakes. But we fix them, and that’s all that matters. Hell, I was in your shoes three months ago and you remember what you told me then? ‘You can’t let it drag you down. You have to go back to the lab tomorrow, and do your job. It won’t work if you keep questioning yourself.’ You’re a good CSI, Eric.”

“I was,” Eric’s voice is bitter. 

“No, you _are_.” Ryan’s arms tighten around Eric’s still form and he drops a kiss on the back of his head, right on top of his scar. Eric shivers slightly against him, an almost imperceptible movement, and Ryan decides that will have to do for now.

Then his cell phone goes off, and it’s Natalia with the results from the DNA test. He curses her silently for her bad timing and reluctantly extracts himself from Eric, stepping back.

“I’ll see you tonight?” he asks hesitantly, because Eric can still turn him down and he hates that feeling of uncertainty that has been inhabiting him lately – due to Eric’s mood swings, he never knows where he stands.

Eric shrugs, and Ryan won’t get more out of him now.

\---

Once they have the results from DNA, it doesn’t take long to figure out what really happened and to get a confession out of the girl.

When it’s all over, Ryan finds himself staring at his locker, wondering what on earth he can do to make Eric stop doubting himself. And he can’t _think_ of anything and it’s so frustrating because he just wants Eric to get better, and he wants to hit something and the door of his locker is _right there_ and he ends up punching that.

The physical pain doesn’t permeate at first, stifled by the other kind, so he does it again and that’s when it hits. Fuck, that hurts. Good, a part of him supplies as he leans against his locker, his forehead resting on the cool metal, throbbing in time with his hand.

“Ryan?” Calleigh’s voice sounds next to him. “What are you _doing_!” 

Her hands are on his and he can’t quite bite back the hiss of pain. She forcefully pushes him down on the bench and okay, so maybe hitting an innocent locker door wasn’t the brightest idea ever.

But he is tired. Tired of Eric’s anger and depression, tired of not knowing what to do and having no one to ask for advice, tired of not knowing if Eric is going to be happy or irritated from one hour to the next. He knows it’s selfish, and he doesn’t like himself very much right now. He knows he should just be thankful Eric is alive, and he _is_ , but it’s hard and no matter how easy he tries to make it be – because Eric has been through enough lately and doesn’t need more shit coming from Ryan – there are days he just wants to shut everything out. He is just so _tired_. If he could bring himself to be, he might even get tired of loving Eric so damn much because lately it’s brought him nothing but pain, but he _can’t_ , and he is _glad_.

“What were you thinking?” Calleigh asks, bringing him back to reality with concern etched all over her face, and something inside Ryan breaks.

He finds himself babbling about Eric and how helpless he is feeling, and he doesn’t really know what else he says except that when he stops, Calleigh is looking at him strangely and he might have just outed them both.

“Oh, Ryan,” she whispers and he really can’t do anything right, he thinks, bewildered, as her eyes fill with tears. “You should have told us, we would have helped!”

Ryan blinks at her. She isn’t mad. That’s… good?

“Come on, I’m driving you home. You’re staying at Eric’s right? And don’t think you’re off the hook! How long have you guys been together? And who knows? Why didn’t you tell me? What about…” 

Ryan tunes out the rapid succession of questions as they leave the lab – since Calleigh won’t stop talking, it must mean she doesn’t really care for the answers, right? He still feels a little numb, and his hand still hurts, but his mood is improving exponentially with Calleigh’s chatter until he feels ready to convince Eric of anything if needs be. Guess he just needed to get it off his chest.

A jab of an elbow in his ribs brings him back to the present. Calleigh does want her answers after all.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x17.

Eric is doing better these days. He’s been back at work for almost a month now, and he is remembering more and more of his old job. That means less mood swings, less pent-up frustration, and Ryan is glad. Therapy probably helps too, though it’s something they don’t really talk about – hard enough for Eric to _admit_ he might need it, and it had taken Ryan drawing the line right there for Eric to even agree to go. Once that was done… well it’s enough for Ryan to know that Eric is getting help, professional help that he can’t give him because he still feels so clueless at times. It’s obviously done a lot of good though, and Ryan doesn’t have to tiptoe so much around Eric anymore. 

He can finally _breathe_. 

Then, of course, there is Calleigh. Ryan hasn’t told Eric that she knows yet, because when ‘it’ happened, well, it definitely wasn’t the day to do so and since then… Ryan doesn’t know how to bring it up.

He will have to soon, though. Calleigh is behaving… well like Calleigh, and it’s a miracle she hasn’t cornered Eric yet. Probably figures he deserves a break, with his injuries and all. Unfortunately for Ryan, he doesn’t fall under that category.

And so he watches her warily as she talks to Eric before deciding to take his chance and pushing the glass door of the Trace lab open. He is a professional, after all, with a job to do. Calleigh doesn’t scare him. Not one bit.

“Hey guys… Did you find anything?” he asks bravely.

Calleigh smirks – or is that a leer? – as soon as she sees him, looking pointedly at the two of them and Ryan mentally groans. She’s been doing this for the better part of the month, and he doesn’t know if it’s her way of saying she’s happy for them or if she’s getting back at him for not telling her sooner. Right now, Ryan is leaning towards the latter.

“Why don’t I let _Eric_ give you an update? I’ll go check with Natalia,” Calleigh says with one final – evil, Ryan swears – smile before she leaves the room.

“What’s going on with Calleigh?” Eric wonders out loud, and it was bound to happen some day. 

Ryan puts on his best ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about’ face but Eric isn’t fooled. He raises an eyebrow at Ryan, a teasing glint in his eyes, and that’s something that wouldn’t have been there three weeks ago. Ryan is so glad to see it that he blurts out before he can think about it:

“Um… she knows?”

“Knows what?” Eric asks, looking genuinely puzzled, and no, Ryan’s job wouldn’t be that easy.

“About us?”

Eric blinks.

“How does she know?”

“I kind of… told her?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” 

Ryan fidgets, waiting for Eric’s reaction.

“You know,” Eric finally says, a grin breaking on his face, “that explains a lot.”

And Ryan can’t stop the startled laugh from bursting out of his chest, getting a weird look from Natalia one lab over and a knowing one from Calleigh. Damn those glass walls!

\---

They decide, later that evening, that since both Calleigh and Horatio know, it’s only fair to tell Alexx.

How to do it, however, is another matter. First is who. Eric is all for Ryan telling her by himself – after all, he is _her_ baby – but Ryan flat-out refuses. He already handled Calleigh, Eric can share the load this time. 

Next question is where. The way they see it, they have three options. They can mention it in passing at the lab – and then run away if need be – but they can’t be sure no one will overhear. Or they can ask Alexx to come over to one of their apartments, where they will have privacy but no escape in case… just in case. Then there is the third option, some place public, neutral.

 

They’re still talking about it when they’re called on a case in the ‘Glades; a man eaten by a bear. 

“The lab got a new piece of equipment when I was gone?” Eric asks, and Ryan eyes him carefully, gauging.

“Eric, this is the Minirae. Remember when you showed it to me?” he says, keeping his voice as neutral as possible.

“Yeah…” And clearly Eric has no idea what he is talking about. “What are we using it for here?”

And though neither of them is fooled, they both pretend there is nothing wrong with this picture. They’re getting quite skilled at ignoring little things like that.

They walk off, following the path left by the hunters and don’t talk about it. Ryan is pretty sure Eric is beating himself up, and he’d like nothing better than to explain how the Minirae works except he figures Eric isn’t going to be very receptive to it just yet. And for some reason, Eric doesn’t like getting help from Ryan. Ryan can respect that, but nothing says he has to like it.

So they walk for a mile in relative silence, rain drizzling down on them until they come across the man who made the bear lure.

On their way back to their car, with the receipts of everyone who ever bought the stuff in their possession, Ryan can feel Eric’s mood is lightening and he takes his chance.

“So… about the Minirae,” he starts, holding the equipment up hopefully.

Eric looks at him quizzically, eyebrow raised, and Ryan thinks he might as well go on – he hasn’t been shot down yet.

“See, this is how it works…” he goes on and Eric listens.

\---

Later that day – after one memorable comment from Calleigh about how cute it is that their clothes match, to which they stare at each other in complete incomprehension (what is she talking about?) and really they’ve got to do something about her before she outs them both to the entire lab – Eric comes to a stop next to Ryan and whispers:

“Is there something I should know about Natalia?”

Ryan looks up briefly from the piece of evidence he is examining.

“Why?” he asks, returning his attention to the task at hand.

“I don’t know, man… sometimes I feel like she is flirting with me.”

Ryan snorts. “That’s probably because she is. What happened?”

Eric fidgets a little and no, Ryan isn’t going to get worried about this.

“The Pink Velvet Gentlemen’s Club,” he finally says in a rush. “Something about the way she asked me if I knew where it was…”

“And do you?” Ryan asks, his voice deceptively calm.

“Yeah…” Eric answers, an unconscious little smirk playing on his lips before he catches himself and goes on with a rush at the dangerous glint in Ryan’s eyes, “I haven’t been there since we’ve… you know.”

“Oh.” Ryan blinks. Well, in that case, it’s not really his problem, is it? Still, it’s good blackmail material – God knows Eric has enough ammunition on him since he met his sister, and of course he didn’t forget any of _that_. “The Pink Velvet, is it?” he teases, “Is it any good?”

Eric groans. “I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I?”

Ryan hums thoughtfully, considering it. “Not sure. Is it any good?”

Eric growls and Ryan chuckles. It’s good to have the banter back.

\---

Much later, the case is solved and they still have no idea how to tell Alexx – not that they’ve spent the day thinking about it, of course. In the end, they gather their courage and go down to the morgue. Alexx is finishing up and she looks at them with surprise in her eyes.

“What are you boys still doing here?”

He and Eric look at each other, waiting for the other to say something. When it becomes clear Eric is _not_ going to say anything apart from ‘huh…’, Ryan glares at him – they’re supposed to be in this together, damn it – and starts:

“We wanted to talk to you about something…”

“Sure honey.” She stops writing her report and looks up expectantly at the two of them. “Is it about a case?”

“Nooo…” Ryan shakes his head and shots an imploring glance at Eric.

“Right,” Eric takes a deep breath and Ryan is so relieved he could kiss him. “It’s… private, and we were wondering if you could stop over at my place when you’re done here.”

“Oh,” Alexx says before her eyes widen and… “ _Oh_. Sure. I’ll be there as soon as I’m done here.”

So Ryan and Eric go home, each in his own car and that gives Ryan a whole amount of time he doesn’t want in which he is free to panic at will. H found out by mistake, and telling Calleigh was more an accident than anything else. Alexx… well Alexx is different. It’s not that her opinion matters more than the others’, but she’s taken Ryan under her wing, has mothered him when he was down, and he doesn’t want to disappoint her.

Not that he thinks she will be disappointed, of course. Alexx isn’t one to hold one’s sexual preference against them. Really, he has no reason to worry at all. Right?

 

Needless to say, Ryan is wreck by the time he gets home. Eric welcomes him with open arms and distracts him ‘til Alexx gets there – asking about the Minirae, of all things. And Ryan is so grateful he kisses him. Not that he needs the excuse to kiss him, of course. It’s just… nice.

When Alexx gets there – finally! What took her so long? – Ryan is marginally calmer. She sits down and waits for one of them to say something.

And Ryan is pretty sure she knows by now what it is they want to tell her – what else could it be, really? – but she isn’t making it easy for them. Oh God, does that mean…? And what about…

He is so lost in his thoughts he almost jumps out of his skin when Eric takes his hand in his own and gives him a gentle squeeze. 

“So…” Eric says nonchalantly and if Ryan wasn’t so busy freaking out he would probably envy the easy way Eric deals with the whole situation, “what do you think?”

Ryan blinks, staring at their joined hands numbly and sure that Eric’s lost his mind until he looks at Alexx, who is smiling broadly at the two of them, shock fading fast from her eyes.

“I never thought I would see the day,” she says and Ryan thinks maybe everyone around him is mad.

“Really?” he manages to sputter. He doesn’t think he is _that_ obvious. Then again, that’s how Eric tells him they got together the first time around – something about how he would never have had the courage to ask him otherwise. Now that that’s done… maybe Ryan should work on it.

“Honey, I am _not_ blind.”

And then she’s off, firing question after question – what is it about women? She is worse than Calleigh! Ryan lets Eric answer, interrupting here and there to make sure he doesn’t exaggerate, and it’s easy and comfortable.

Alexx knows, and the world didn’t come to a stop.

Ryan relaxes back into the couch and squeezes Eric’s hand absentmindedly. He hasn’t even noticed they’re still holding hands.

Alexx has, and she smiles.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x18.

Now that almost everyone on the team knows, Ryan finds he doesn’t mind having to deal with Calleigh making bad puns or Alexx insisting on the two of them coming to dinner at least once a week – clearly she’s decided she couldn’t trust the two of them to feed themselves properly. It feels… well it almost feels good. When he doesn’t want to strangle Calleigh or bang his head against the nearest flat surface because Alexx just won’t take no for an answer.

Yes, it’s a good feeling. A bit like coming home in the evening and finding Eric on the phone with Maggie who is babbling about her day at school and the drawing she made for Uncle Ryan – they can share – and how her teddy bear isn’t feeling too well at the moment and needs him to come and fix him.

Needless to say, they find themselves at Ryan’s sister more often than not – Maggie’s got Eric wrapped around her little finger.

 

They still haven’t told Natalia, of course, but there is a history right there and they’ve both decided to wait for now. Though, Ryan sometimes thinks, if it got her to stop flirting with Eric, it might be worth it.

There is also Eric’s family but Ryan decides not to press the issue. He knows Eric is worried about what their reaction might be, and he’d liked to tell him he’s got no reason to be – except he really doesn’t know. 

What he _does_ know is that they love Eric – but that’s not always enough, is it? It should be.

Still, he thinks they’re going to end up figuring it out on their own because really, how many games can he pretend to be watching at Eric’s before it starts getting suspicious? And it’s not _his_ fault Eric’s mom always calls when Ryan’s the one next to the phone. Or that Eric doesn’t have caller ID. Maybe they should have Alexx talk to them. On second thoughts… bad idea.

 

As far as Eric’s health is concerned, he is still improving by leaps and bounds – with the occasional set-back. He has relearned everything he had to in record time and is now more relaxed on the job, more confident. He doesn’t seem to feel like he’s only seconds away from a mistake that will blow up the case. And that’s good, for everyone. It makes working with him a whole lot easier.

It’s not always the case, of course. And Eric has developed a new coping mechanism, one Ryan can say he doesn’t think very highly of – and one he is very familiar with.

It starts stupidly, as usual. Eric’s put two markers on the same blood drop and Ryan remarks on it – what else was he supposed to do? Wait for a defence attorney to bring it up?

“So what? I can’t make a simple mistake?” Eric says harshly, and Ryan can see it’s going to be one of those days when Eric insists he is _fine_.

Yeah, right.

And Ryan thinks he liked it better when Eric got frustrated or depressed. Now… now Eric stubbornly pretends ‘nothing is wrong’ and ‘he has no idea what Ryan is talking about’ and there is no talking to him when he is in that sort of mood.

The worst thing is, for once Ryan can relate. He knows what Eric is doing because he did the exact same thing himself when his eyesight started to go to hell last year, but Eric won’t hear it. And maybe it should make him angry but it doesn’t, not really. It just makes him worry. Because if Eric won’t say what’s wrong, how can Ryan know if he has to bully him into seeing a doctor?

He couldn’t have been that annoying himself, could he?

Maybe he should talk to H about it. He’s probably the only one who could make Eric get the help he needs – if he needs it. But Ryan knows he won’t tell their boss anything – at least not yet. It’s still an isolated incident and maybe it’s nothing. Hopefully, it _is_ nothing. And Eric would take that as a betrayal of the worst kind.

 

Therefore he isn’t surprised to get the cold shoulder for the rest of the day. Commenting on Eric’s perceived weaknesses is a sure way to achieve that. It goes on all day, until he isn’t sure who is avoiding who anymore, and Ryan focuses on doing his job. It’s the only thing to do under the circumstances.

Of course, the girls notice. And Ryan has to persuade Alexx not to mount a crusade on his behalf – that’s about the last thing he needs right now. What he also doesn’t need is relationship advice – that is just too embarrassing – but when has Alexx ever listened to him?

 

That evening, he comes home expecting an empty apartment, with Eric gone off to his own place to brood but to his surprise Eric is there.

He smiles, and Eric smiles and sort of apologizes, and they’re fine again. That’s just how they are.

 

Later in bed, Ryan toys with the idea of bringing the subject up again – after all, Eric is naked and half-asleep, it’s not like he can storm out. Plus he is distracted, playing with Ryan’s hair. Might as well…

“You okay?” he asks lightly, trying to come across as non-judgmental as possible.

Eric tenses slightly against him but doesn’t pull away, and Ryan considers this a small private victory.

“I’m…” Eric starts before Ryan’s warning glare stops him in his tracks. Instead, he snorts self-deprecatingly and shakes his head.

“Okay, I’m not _fine_ – at least I wasn’t today. It’s just… I was seeing double for a while but that passed. And yes,” he raises a hand before Ryan can say anything, “I asked the doctor about it. He said that it’s normal, as long as it’s not a daily thing. Should even disappear completely. And I’m sorry I blew up at you, I know you were just trying to help.”

“Yeah, well believe me I did much worse,” Ryan says to distract him because he knows Eric doesn’t like opening up so much – well, he _is_ a guy – and they’re both feeling too good right now to deal with another mood swing.

“Really?” Eric asks, interest colouring his voice.

“Oh yes. My eyesight was getting worse and worse and I wouldn’t go to see the doctor, until H practically ordered me to. Then I punched my locker. Repeatedly. That hurt.”

“I can imagine,” Eric smirks and Ryan hits him playfully on the shoulder.

“Okay, that’s enough. It’s late. Sleep. Now.”

“You’re no fun at all.”

“You’ve already had your fun.”

“Spoilsport.”

“ _Sleep_.”

“Okay.”

“Good.”

“Fine.”

“And stop talking.”

Eric really can be annoying, whatever mood he is in, Ryan thinks as he closes his eyes, a faint smile still playing on his lips. 

But he is definitely worth it.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x19.

Ryan looks anxiously at the clock on the wall. For once, his work can’t seem to captivate his attention. In fact, he can’t wait for it to be over so he can go home and see Eric. And find out how it went.

The thing is, Eric had the day off and decided to go see his parents. To ‘talk’. And his anxiety has, in turn, made Ryan nervous. Because despite his best efforts to assure Eric that it would go just fine, he has no way of knowing that for sure. After all, he’s only met Eric’s parents briefly – if anything, _Eric_ would be more apt at predicting their reaction. And the fact that Eric had gone with as much enthusiasm as you'd show for a funeral didn't really show any faith in a positive resolution.

He had called Eric earlier and his lover had sounded tense and Ryan had gathered it wasn’t a good time to talk.

So he waits for this day to be over so that he can go home and see Eric, who should be back by now.

In the end, his fidgeting gets on Calleigh’s nerves, who is trying to work on a cold case next to him.

“What’s wrong?” She asks.

“Nothing…” Ryan trails off, knowing he isn’t doing a very good job of convincing her.

Indeed, Calleigh raises an eyebrow at him and that’s all it takes for Ryan to relent.

“It’s just…” he looks around briefly to make sure no one is within earshot. “Eric went to see his parents today. To… talk.”

“Oh. _Oh_ ,” Calleigh’s eyes widen and she smiles. “He’s going to tell them about you.”

“No. Well, maybe. He was going to tell them he’s bisexual -” Ryan almost whispers the word, “- first, you know, so they can deal with that first. We thought it wasn’t fair to just dump a male lover on their lap without some warning.”

Calleigh nods understandingly. “Right. And he’ll talk about you if they react well.”

“Exactly.”

“And you don’t think they’re going to react well.”

Ryan hesitates. “I don’t know… Eric didn’t seem to think so. I mean, from what he said they’re a bit old-fashioned, and very Catholic. Plus Eric is their only son, so that’s a lot of things to overcome.”

“Sure, but they love Eric. I remember how worried they were when he got shot. I’m sure they just want him to be happy,” Calleigh says optimistically and Ryan could just kiss her. Finally someone with a positive outlook.

“That’s what I told him. But you know Eric…”

Calleigh smiles wryly – she does know – and checks her watch.

“Tell you what. Why don’t you go home? I’ll handle things here and if H asks… well, I’m sure I’ll think of something.”

This time Ryan does kiss her, a quick grateful kiss on the cheek before he rushes out of the room. Calleigh calls him back before he’s disappeared completely.

“Hey Ryan! Don’t worry, okay? Even if it didn’t go well, I’m sure they’ll come around eventually.”

“Thanks,” he calls back and leaves, feeling more hopeful than he has all day.

\---

Of course, his good mood doesn’t last long. Soon enough, questions and possibilities plague him until he is sure he will go crazy. What if Eric’s parents never accept him? What if they make Eric choose between his family and Ryan? What if…

He _so_ has to stop thinking like that.

In the end, he breaks a couple of speed limits on the way home and doesn't even care – which says a lot about his state of mind.

When he gets in, he finds Eric sprawled on the couch, lost in a daze and not looking particularly happy – nor particularly gloomy either. That’s… good. Right?

“So?” He asks, unable to take it more anymore. “How did it go?”

Eric shakes himself and smiles weakly, beckoning Ryan to sit next to him. “They said it’d take some time to get used to the idea of you.”

“Of me?”

“Yeah.” Eric looks vaguely guilty. “I might have told them… everything.”

“Everything?” Ryan repeats, horrified. Oh God. Eric can’t mean… everything!

“Well, not _everything_ ,” Eric corrects himself hurriedly before Ryan can freak out further. “Just… you know. That I had a lover and that I was thinking of moving in with him.”

“You are?” Ryan asks, momentarily side-tracked.

“You know I am,” Eric says softly, pulling Ryan against him.

“Right. That’s… Hang on, back up a little.” Ryan reluctantly backs away from the embrace to look at Eric. “How are you feeling?”

“Good. Well, maybe not good, but relieved. At least I don’t feel like I’m going to throw up anymore.”

“That’s nice to know,” Ryan mutters but doesn’t resist when Eric tugs him back to him.

“So… you’re thinking about moving in…” Ryan says after a moment of silence, a teasing tone in his voice, and Eric shuts him up with a kiss.

\---

Eric’s mood is much improved over the next few days. It’s as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders – he’s done his part, he’s told his parents and the world didn’t stop turning. They even reacted about as well as could be expected. Now the ball is in their court and all Eric – and Ryan – can do is wait. They need time to get used to the idea, and they both understand that. In fact, Ryan might even be a little relieved. After all, had they been willing to accept him with open arms he would now be facing a meeting, and that’s an entirely different matter. Just thinking about it…

Let’s not.

They get a weird case next and that helps them further to take their mind off things. A man got scalped in a Miami hotel. And Ryan can’t even say it’s the strangest thing he’s seen in his job.

He can’t quite decide if that’s cause for concern.

But weird or not, the motive never varies and another dead body later they find their murderer. 

And they settle back in their routine, try not to worry about the future too much, and start packing up Eric’s apartment.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x20, and back to Eric!

Moving out of one’s apartment, Eric reflects, isn’t as easy as it might seem. Ryan isn’t much help, since Eric tends to just throw stuff into piles and that doesn’t agree with Ryan. The first time he came over to give him a hand, he spent the entire time refolding everything and making neat rows of the stuff lying on the floor, his OCD disapproving greatly of the lack of order. Eric had laughed, and Ryan had glared and they had ended up having sex in the middle of the living room.

Needless to say, the piles had been less than tidy afterwards. And Ryan’s hands had been twitching already so Eric had dragged him back to his place, figuring it could wait.

He is taking his time, hoping his parents will come around before he actually has moved. Ryan knows what he is doing and doesn’t seem to mind – it’s not like he doesn’t spend every night at Ryan’s already anyway – and Eric is grateful for that.

But it’s coming along, nice and slow. Yesterday he brought the first couple of boxes over and put his stuff away, watching it mingle with Ryan’s, had made him feel… happy. Home.

It’s a nice feeling.

Brought back to the present, Eric gets up and stretches, his spine protesting, before checking his watch. 

Right. Time to go to work.

\---

Movie stars… Eric sighs. Definitely not his favourite kind of case. There is the press, hanging all over them, and hysterical fans trying to sneak onto the crime scene – or worse, the lab. Plus, it usually means other actors as suspects and – if they’re good – it’s always hard to tell if they’re lying to him.

To make matters worse, the guy sitting in front of him in the interrogating room is starting to annoy him. A lot. He grits his teeth, and is more than happy to get it over with. Especially since he happens to catch a glimpse of Ryan, heading towards the elevator. Probably on his way to the morgue, he thinks, and resists the urge of going after him.

He has a job to do, after all.

\---

He next sees Ryan between two of his trips to the rehab clinic and leers at him playfully – well his shirt _is_ half-open, what is he expected to do?

“Hey. Are you having fun with the celebrities?” he asks and Ryan rolls his eyes.

“Not particularly, no.” Then he grins and leans in conspiratorially. “Calleigh sure is though.”

“Really?”

“Yep. But it’s not like I can’t say anything – we got a break in the case thanks to one of her magazines.”

Before Eric can answer, already thinking of ways to use this as blackmail material, his cell phone buzzes and it’s Horatio. After a short conversation, he hangs up with a vaguely annoyed expression and Ryan looks at him inquisitively.

“Guess it’s my turn to go to the clinic.”

Ryan snorts and doesn’t seem one bit sorry.

 

As it turns out, it’s not his only trip to White Sands that day and honestly, given the amount of time they’re spending there, they might as well stop leaving. The second time, he’s hoping to find a motive for the murder. And really, this whole ‘confessing’ thing sounds like a lot of bullshit to him. Years after the fact, you go around apologizing to people who probably haven’t thought about it for years. It certainly doesn’t make _them_ feel better, dragging up the past like that.

Ends up getting you killed too. Wouldn’t be the first case like that Eric’s seen.

Unsurprisingly, no one wants to talk to him and he just stands there, thinking he’s wasted his time (again) when he sees her. Her name is Jolene and she’s pretty and a bit lost. But she is willing to talk to him and that’s something. Especially since she’s got information on the case.

So he smiles at her and tells her she’s very brave, and silently hopes she’ll be alright. He tends to be somewhat pessimistic about addicts – mainly because, in his line of work, he only deals with the ones who don’t make it – but she seems so out of place here, almost shy in the middle of all these spoiled celebrities that he finds himself wishing she’ll prove him wrong.

That’s why it’s such a… disappointment, maybe? – though that’s ridiculous, he’s only met the girl once and they talked for like ten minutes – when it turns out she’s the one who made the rope that killed Lassiter.

As he listens to her talking about why she’s thought about killing herself, he finds himself thinking that they’re a lot alike. She doesn’t want to be a burden, doesn’t know how to ask for the help she obviously needs, and it brings him back to the weeks after the shooting when it seemed he would never get better and he kept screwing up at work.

“What about your family?” he asks softly, and tries not to feel too much of a hypocrite. Because _he_ certainly never asked for any help, did he? Even threw it back in the face of the people who offered – Ryan – more often than not. 

But this is not about him, he reminds himself. It’s about Jolene. So he tells her about himself and hopes he’ll change her mind.

“Your friends and your family, they just want to be there for you,” he says and decides he’ll need to thank _his_ friends soon. Starting with Ryan.

\---

After looking through the newspaper archives, he sends Natalia to keep Horatio updated on their findings and waits for the article to print – they’ll need it for the case file.

When he looks up, Ryan is leaning against the doorframe, watching him.

“I ran into Natalia,” he explains. “Looks like you’ve closed the case?”

“Looks like,” Eric agrees with a smile. He takes a couple of steps towards Ryan and yanks him into the room, ignoring his startled yelp and closing the door behind them.

Then he proceeds to kiss Ryan soundly.

“What was that for?” Ryan asks, a bit breathless, when they pull apart.

“Wanted to say thank you.”

“Huh. You’re welcome?”

Ryan clearly has no idea what he is talking about and something in Eric’s chest twists a little.

“For helping me. After… you know. I know I wasn’t very… pleasant back then, but I do appreciate everything you did for me. So thank you. And sorry for being such an ass.”

Ryan looks a bit surprised, probably wondering what brought this on, and Eric decides that from now on, he’ll try to be more appreciative.

“You’re still welcome. And apology accepted,” Ryan finally says, and then there is a few seconds of silence before he adds, with a twinkle in his eyes: “Besides, I’m used to you being an ass.”

“And you love me anyway,” Eric teases, relieved to be back on familiar ground. Talking about his feelings really isn’t one of his favourite things in the world. Then again, it isn’t one of Ryan’s either so they’re evenly matched in that respect.

“And I love you anyway,” Ryan agrees with a soft smile. Then he groans and bangs his head against the door, and it’s Eric’s turn to look at him strangely.

“What?”

“You had to do this at work, didn’t you?”

“Why? You had something else in mind?” Eric leers, pushing Ryan back against the door and Ryan mock-glares at him.

“May I remind you we’re in the lab and anyone could walk in at any moment?”

“Well, technically…” Eric can’t stop a grin at Ryan’s put-upon expression, “they couldn’t. You’re keeping the door closed.”

“Thanks for pointing that out,” Ryan says dryly and pushes Eric away before straightening his clothes.

“You’re coming home?” he asks and Eric nods.

“Soon. I’ve got to go some place first.”

Ryan doesn’t ask but raises a curious eyebrow at him and just like that, Eric caves. “I’m going back to the clinic. Got to say goodbye to someone.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later then.”

“Yeah. See you soon.”

He’s already making plans for ‘soon’.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x21.

New day, new case. Or cases, to be exact. Though it’s more than likely they’re connected, Ryan ponders on his way back to the lab with the evidence he’s collected at his crime scene.

“Hey Eric,” he grins as he enters the Print lab and sees his lover standing there. “What are you doing here?”

“Helping out. H said we had to put a rush on this one.”

“Okay then! Got something for you.” He holds out his evidence bag before carefully setting it down on the desk. It wouldn’t do to break it now, would it?

“Murder weapon?” Eric asks and Ryan shrugs.

“Seems like it. How is your case going?”

“Man, you should have seen that car…” Eric’s voice takes a dreamy quality and Ryan bites back the smile that’s threatening to break free.

“Can you imagine that woman sold it for two hundred dollars?” Eric sounds both wishful and outraged and this time Ryan can’t stop a chuckle from escaping.

“Clearly she’s out of her mind,” he says wryly and Eric mock-glares at him. “No, really, you should have seen their house. They have _lasers_ cutting the place in two and alarms that go off if you try to cross them.”

Eric blinks.

“Some people are just weird.”

Ryan readily agrees and with a final smile heads for the Trace lab. He’s got his own evidence to process.

\---

One case solved, another one to go. He drops the pool guy’s shoes with Eric – something is wrong, he can tell, but Calleigh shakes her head minutely and he figures it will keep.

Then half an hour later Eric storms by him without pausing and Ryan knows it won’t.

“What’s going on?” he asks, hurrying to catch up. Eric doesn’t answer, just keeps on walking ‘til he reaches the locker room. The door bangs open and Ryan winces inwardly, shutting it quietly behind them – no need to make an even bigger scene that they’re already causing.

He watches Eric pace back and forth, waiting for the explosion that is sure to come, and it does.

“Pool boy’s lawyer filed a motion for an expedited hearing. They’re going to make me look incompetent and have the judge rule all the evidence I processed as inadmissible. Ryan, I handled all the evidence! If they do that, we have nothing!”

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. That’s all Ryan can think, really. Things had been going so well lately and now _this_ gets dumped on their lap.

“Look, there is no reason to think it will go that way,” he says, trying to be reassuring, but Eric cuts him off.

“Carmen Henney came by earlier.” Ryan frowns, trying to place the name. “She asked about her cheque. I didn’t even remember her!”

“Your memory loss doesn’t affect the way you do your job.” Not anymore, at least, and from the look on Eric’s face he isn’t the only one thinking it.

Then Eric looks away, and try as he may Ryan can’t get him to meet his eyes again. In the end, he gives up and sighs, settling for squeezing his shoulder supportively. He knows Eric won’t accept more right now.

“Look, I’ll drive you to the hearing, okay?”

Eric nods crisply and they’re on their way. 

\---

Ryan waits for him outside the court room and he can see from the look on Eric’s face that it isn’t going well. Especially when that… woman comes into the room, and Ryan hates her. Really _really_ hates her. What is she doing here? Isn’t it enough that she used Eric, made him pay her allowance? Now she’s got to help criminals get out of jail too?

What is wrong with her?

But there is nothing he can do, so he just sits there and prays that Eric will keep his temper. It wouldn’t do for him to blow up in front of the judge. Thankfully he doesn’t, and that’s a small mercy.

When Eric walks out of the court room he is seething. “The judge is waiting for my doctor’s opinion. And the State Attorney won’t even admit my evidence. That guy is going to get away with it and that’s my fault.”

“Hey!” Ryan says sharply, his outburst surprising them both. “You’re _not_ pulling that one again. It’s _not_ your fault, and we’ll put him behind bars, you hear me?”

Eric doesn’t seem all that convinced and Ryan really wishes they were alone so he could knock some sense into him. But right now, there is no need to give that lawyer – or Henney – more ammunition than they’ve already got.

“Come on,” Ryan finally sighs. “We’ve got to go back to the lab.”

 

The ride back is spent in silence and Ryan drops Eric off in front of the lab. Spontaneously, he grabs the front of Eric’s shirt before he can exit the car and pulls him towards him for a hard kiss, not caring who might see.

Eric looks a little stunned, but calmer and Ryan’s mission is accomplished.

“Everything is going to turn out fine, believe me,” he says for good measure and Eric nods automatically.

Ryan isn’t sure he’s convinced him yet, but they’re getting there.

\---

Turns out he is right – well, of course he is. Never doubted it for one second.

Eric is grinning as they lead the pool guy away and it’s a beautiful sight. Especially when the grin widens as H says a few words to him and Ryan keeps watching covertly, happy that the angst is now over.

Then Eric spots him and – Ryan hadn’t thought it was possible – his smile grows even bigger. He walks towards him, and Ryan can tell he wants to touch him but they’re in plain sight in the middle of the lab and it just wouldn’t do.

“H is having that woman disbarred.” Eric announces and Ryan’s own smile matches Eric’s. 

He reaches over, squeezing his arm in a gesture that could be interpreted as friendly but they both know better. Eric’s eyes shine with relief and silent thanks and it’s more than enough for now.

“Come on. We still have a case to close.”

They separate reluctantly, Ryan heading back to Trace and Eric going to find Calleigh.

Yes, there is still one murder to solve. Then they’ll go home, and celebrate properly.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Given what actually happened in 5x22, this is AU for that episode, and the last part of this fic!

Stetler is here. Ryan doesn’t know why – it certainly isn’t about one of his cases, or any cases he’s heard about today – and he can’t help but worry a little.

What if… What if he knows?

But no, Ryan tries to reassure himself. And even if he did, it’s not like they did anything wrong. Relationships within the lab aren’t actively forbidden, though they’re not encouraged. And the fact that they’re both men… well, they probably wouldn’t like it, but it’s not like it can be held against them, not if they don’t want to be sued for discrimination. Plus Horatio rarely has them working the same case anymore, to avoid all chances of collusion being brought up by the defence attorney. So really, they have nothing to worry about. But Ryan, being Ryan, does.

He is tensed for the rest of the day, working on his case and avoiding Eric until the time to go home grows near. They’re both working on opposite sides of the evidence room by then, and Ryan chances a quick grin in Eric’s direction. He gets one in return and feels incredibly better before he schools his expression back to professional and goes back to cataloguing his evidence.

Of course, that’s when Stetler materializes in front of him.

“Wolfe. I need to talk to you when you’re done here.”

Ryan barely has time to nod before Stetler turns towards Eric who tries to pretend he just wasn’t listening in.

“You too, Delko.”

Then he leaves the room and Ryan turns wide eyes in Eric’s direction. He gets a shrug in answer and a vague “No idea” that does nothing to quench his rising panic. So he finishes quickly and waits for Eric to do the same, his fingers drumming on the table until Eric gives up and puts away what he was doing. Ryan would feel bad about it, except it didn’t look urgent. And he’s got other things on his mind.

“Hey, relax. It’s not like he can do anything to us,” Eric tells him and Ryan nods sharply, taking a deep breath.

Right. Let’s get this over with.

\---

They meet Stetler in the hallway and follow him towards H’s office. Horation relinquishes the room graciously – considering it’s Stetler – and gives them a reassuring smile before heading towards DNA. Ryan tries to smile back but he doesn’t think it comes off right. He feels sick. Did Horatio tell Stetler? _Why_?

They all sit down and Ryan grips the arms of his chair a little too tightly, risking a quick glance in Eric’s direction. Eric, who looks like he has not a care in the world but Ryan knows better. He sees the fine line of tension in his shoulders and the way he defiantly meets Stetler’s eyes. Eric is seconds from glaring at the man and Ryan silently prays he won’t. Nothing he can do about it though, so Ryan tries to reason with himself. Not that he is doing that great a job. No, in fact he is close to freaking out and Stetler hasn’t even said anything yet. What’s this all about? What does he _want_? Is it bad? Should they -

Eric’s knee bumps into him under the relative privacy of the table and Ryan remembers to breathe.

“Look.” Stetler clears his throat and starts again, looking a little uncomfortable. “I know the two of you are in a… relationship.” He says the word hesitantly and Ryan just focuses on breathing. “If anyone on the Force gives you trouble, you come to me, okay?”

Ryan blinks. And blinks again. Did he just hear correctly? Because it sounded a lot like… It did, didn’t it?

He hears Eric agree next to him and nods belatedly, watching Stetler nod back, all hesitation gone and business-like again. The man gives them an almost curious look as he leaves the room and Ryan sags on his chair.

They’re silent for a few seconds and then Eric laughs, a clear bright sound that bounces on the walls.

“You still breathing?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Ryan answers, a little shakily because he still can’t believe it. They’re not in trouble. Everything is fine. Stelter is a good guy.

“Man, I don’t know what I was expecting but this wasn’t it.” Eric shakes his head and gets on his feet, a wry smile still playing on his face.

Ryan follows, feeling lighter than before. 

“Let’s go home.”

He couldn’t agree more.

\---

A few days later, Ryan is dumping a box full of Eric’s possessions in the living room when a phone rings in the bedroom. Recognizing Eric’s cell, he doesn’t pay it much attention after Eric’s brief “Hello?” and starts putting Eric’s books and CDs on his shelves. It feels good, watching Eric’s stuff mingles with his own. Feels right.

He is almost done with the box when Eric comes into the room and collapses on the couch, holding out an arm to Ryan. Ryan doesn’t need to be told twice – he is been bending over boxes for the past three hours and could use a break – and sprawls next to Eric, resting his head on his shoulder with a satisfied sigh.

“I’ve got news,” Eric says quietly and Ryan turns to look at him. “My parents want to meet you.”

Oh God.

“Now?” Ryan squeaks, looking around wildly as if he expected Eric’s parents to suddenly appear in the middle of their living room.

“No, not now.” Eric chuckles, but it’s a little weak. “I told them I’ll call them back when I know when we’re free.”

“Oh.” Ryan feels torn, because part of him wants Eric to call them back _right now_ because if he doesn’t maybe they’ll change their mind and that would be bad. Then again, despite the fact that he does want to get to know Eric’s family, now that he is presented with the opportunity the task seems insurmountable.

So he takes a deep breath and tells himself not to panic – it’ll be fine, look at how things went with Stelter. Though he’d better not start comparing Eric’s parents to Stetler because that’s just… too disturbing for words.

“How about next Saturday?” he says tentatively, and Eric smiles brightly at him.

\---

The rest of the week is – as can be expected – far from restful. At night, Ryan tosses and turns until Eric gets sick of it and smothers him with his weight, lying half on top of him to keep him still. Not that Eric is particularly serene about it himself, but he does a better job keeping the anxiety under tabs. And really, this is ridiculous. They’re grown men, they ought to be able to deal with this better.

During the day, well he goes to work, does his job, and seeks advice with Calleigh and Alexx. He is also down to calling his sister every evening, and by Friday night he’s gotten so sick of hearing everyone tell him to just ‘be himself’ that he just wants it to be over already. Afterwards they’ll go back to acting normally and they’ll laugh about it in a few years.

Right.

And even if it did go disastrously, Eric’s lease is coming up at the end of the week and all his stuff is at Ryan’s already so he is stuck there.

Somehow, that makes him feel a lot better. And no, he doesn’t feel guilty about it.

Finally – finally! – Saturday arrives, and Eric and Ryan find themselves in the car, driving towards the Delkos’ family home.

They meet at the door, and Ryan awkwardly exchanges handshakes with the two of them. It doesn’t take long to infer that Eric’s mother is the one who took the initiative here, but Eric’s dad isn’t giving him the evil eye either and Ryan lets himself be guided towards a chair.

He is still tense and Eric is still tense, and his parents are clearly uncomfortable. Not the best recipe for success. But they’re all trying, and that’s what matters. They make small talk about work, about Ryan’s family, and then get started on Eric’s sisters and their children, who live so far away they don’t see them often enough – then again, they don’t see Eric half as much as they’d like – and Ryan finds himself overwhelmed with the abundance of information.

Then Eric is getting up, saying they have to go if they want to avoid traffic and Ryan is surprised to realize hours have passed. He doesn’t remember doing or saying much but he gets a kiss from Eric’s mother as she tells Eric – no, the two of them – to come back soon so he must have done something right.

Eric is grinning like a fool on the drive back and for the first time in a long time there is no weight on their shoulders. So Ryan smiles back, and together they head towards their apartment.


End file.
